It's almost midnight, and I am still awake...again. Another attack. I'm not in as much pain as on Sunday, but it's enough to keep me awake. Earlier this evening, I was in tears again because this... sickness makes me feel so very alone and afraid of everything that could be happening to me, and I'm just... afraid. I want very much to go to the ER again because I sort of feel like that's the only way I can get any relief or comfort, but I know they'll just send me home again to wait for my ultrasound on Thursday. *sigh*.
Anyway, I'm desperately clinging now to God, praying for peace, safety, all that good stuff. But I am agonized that I'm not closer to Him. What if He decided to use this to take me away? I think part of me is terrified because I feel like I'm facing a possible end sometimes. Am I ready to die? I don't think I am. I still struggle with even getting into the Word on a regular basis, I go some periods where I am constantly talking to Him, and some where I hardly think of Him at all. I am wretched and sinful and I am not ready to meet Him face to face. That prospect is even more terrifying than the horrible pain I've been going through this week. I'm very much hoping that He is putting me through this to teach me these things so I can stop being a "lukewarm Christian" (I rather think that's an oxymoron) and start living my life truly and completely for Him.
All this to say, that as I'm sitting here in the dark, alone, in pain, to distract myself from it all I started reading in Matthew, and came across the explanation Jesus gives about the parable of the seeds, and this verse in particular caught my eye (Matthew 13:22):
22 "The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced."
It has really got me thinking and I figured I'd share. We are definitely wealthy compared to a lot of the world. And I've had lots of cares lately, especially with a new baby to take care of, and now all these health problems from which I very badly want to escape. Am I the seed among the thorns? Am I letting myself be carried away by all these problems in life? Have I been lured by wealth and luxury, paying too much attention to material and relational things rather than my God? It is so hard to see this. I'm certain I'm failing miserably in all these areas. I praise God that He seems to be disciplining me, because I know the Lord disciplines those He loves, but it's still really hard. I'm so tired of being in pain. But I pray that I will continue to praise Him no matter how much harder it gets, and that I will truly learn and actually ACT upon this knowledge to live my life completely and truly for HIM. Because He is the only reason WORTH living for.
Just some thoughts I'm having, and I hope maybe it'll help someone at least. Or maybe I just want to make people feel sorry for me because I'm in so much pain. Or maybe I'm trying to sound all righteous and Christian-y. I sure hope that's not the deeper motive here. In this case I don't think it is. I think I may actually be learning a lesson.
Anyway, time to go back to reading, and hope very much the pain recedes enough for me to get SOME sleep before Micah wakes up...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A prayer request: Update
So, here's a follow up on the prayer request I posted a while back.
I most likely DO have gallstones. I'm having more and more attacks, ended up in the ER Sunday night because I was in excruciating pain, nothing would help. I was told to eat a completely non-fat diet, and I've done that so far (although I was STARVING yesterday) and now I feel like I may have another attack going on or trying to start. I am so miserable. This pain is almost as bad as labor, not even kidding. Except nothing good comes of it and I don't get any breaks. And after a bunch of searching online, I discovered that a LOT of people gain a lot of weight after gallbladder removal, a lot of them exercise 5 times a week, eat no fat at all, lots of fruit and veggies, and either still kept gaining or never lost a pound. To me, this would also be nightmarish. I seriously feel like it'd be the end of the world for me if I was stuck being over weight the rest of my life. I can hardly bear the idea, I keep wanting to cry every time I think about it, which is a lot. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being absolutely tortured every time this pain starts happening again. I don't have an ultrasound until Thursday, so even though I desperately don't want it removed, I very badly want them to move along quickly because this pain is not going away. I can't enjoy my baby, it's hard to even take care of him, I am absolutely miserable. Please pray for me. :(
I most likely DO have gallstones. I'm having more and more attacks, ended up in the ER Sunday night because I was in excruciating pain, nothing would help. I was told to eat a completely non-fat diet, and I've done that so far (although I was STARVING yesterday) and now I feel like I may have another attack going on or trying to start. I am so miserable. This pain is almost as bad as labor, not even kidding. Except nothing good comes of it and I don't get any breaks. And after a bunch of searching online, I discovered that a LOT of people gain a lot of weight after gallbladder removal, a lot of them exercise 5 times a week, eat no fat at all, lots of fruit and veggies, and either still kept gaining or never lost a pound. To me, this would also be nightmarish. I seriously feel like it'd be the end of the world for me if I was stuck being over weight the rest of my life. I can hardly bear the idea, I keep wanting to cry every time I think about it, which is a lot. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being absolutely tortured every time this pain starts happening again. I don't have an ultrasound until Thursday, so even though I desperately don't want it removed, I very badly want them to move along quickly because this pain is not going away. I can't enjoy my baby, it's hard to even take care of him, I am absolutely miserable. Please pray for me. :(
Friday, October 21, 2011
Moose tracks? And a fancy date.
I took Micah to the clinic yesterday for his two month check-up and shots. It was really early in the morning (for us), so keep in mind that I was still pretty tired and bleary eyed, and it was dark outside still. When I opened the garage door, I saw very clear tracks in the snow. I was instantly awake, inspecting the tracks after I'd put Micah in the car, and very, very excited. Because I thought they were moose tracks. It was thrilling to think a moose had walked through our front yard! When we got home later, I took some pictures, googled "moose tracks" in images, and found a lot of tracks on google that looked very similar. So I concluded that they were, in fact, moose tracks.
But then when I told Scott, he looked at the pictures and said they were rabbit tracks. We went outside to look again, and Scott found little bunny toes inside the tracks. So it must've been our rabbit. How disappointing. Oh well.
The appointment went well, my baby boy now weighs a whopping 12 lbs, 7 oz! And he's 24 inches long! So crazy. It was rather comical when they got these measurements. He had to be weighed with no clothes or diaper, so I think they deserved what they got. When I took the diaper off, it was dirty, so I wiped him down and threw the diaper away. No sooner had I thrown it away, I turned around and a fountain was springing on high, wetting EVERYTHING. Including himself. When he was finished, he was all wet, and there was a huge wet puddle surrounding him. So again, I pulled out the wipes, and wiped him down, pretty much all over. Then we picked him up, the assistant pulled the paper off the scale, threw it away, and put some fresh, clean paper down, and we laid him back down. No sooner had we done THIS, he proceeded to spit up what looked like his entire previous meal...ALL over the place. He got the whole back of his head wet with the stuff, his neck, shoulders, and again left a big wet puddle, this time around his head and shoulders. So, needless to say, lots of cleaning up was involved with weighing and measuring him.
They also had to give him four immunizations. Three shots, and one was something he drank. Poor baby, my heart hurts for him when he's screaming in pain. :( They told me he'd be grumpy for the next few days, but he's actually been pretty happy. Just really sleepy. He slept 11 hours straight last night! Good for him, but bad for me... I kept waking up wondering if he was ok, and also, not nursing for 11 hours makes things rather uncomfortable for me. But I'm glad he doesn't seem to be in much pain.
And now for the fancy date part. Last night was great! For the first time since Micah was born, we went on a date. And this was our first FANCY date. We got a babysitter, and Scott bought tickets to the Fairbanks City Food Sampler at the Westmark Hotel. A bunch of really nice restaurants came in and cooked, and we all got little plates and wine glasses, and just walked around to whatever table we desired, and got samples of that particular restaurant's food. It was great. It was kind of strange since we were standing up the entire time as we ate (they had these tables at which you could eat...but no chairs. They were at chest height.)
We tried a lot of amazing things, including some margarita chicken, cornbread topped with jambalaya, little pulled pork sandwiches, and the strangest of all: cinnamon french toast topped with chocolate chip chipotle ice cream (yes, SPICY ice cream...) and apple compote. It was really good, but really strange. I've never had ice cream before that has such a bite to it. That was compliments of the UAF Culinary Arts and Hospitality school. Everything we tried was really good. Although, since it was all from such different restaurants, it was interesting having such different food items for a meal. In Scott's words, it was "a gastrointestinal blitzkrieg." But it was worth it. There was also a live jazz band playing a lot of excellent songs, and it was fun getting to dress up a bit and be out and about with my best friend and not have to watch the baby. Although after we were done eating, we weren't sure what to do, so Scott suggested we walk around the room and point at things. Which we did. Haha. All in all, it was a wonderful evening. We had a bit of time afterwards, so we went to Barnes and Noble and got some tea, and walked around looking at books. I felt so sophisticated. :)
As we were driving home with Micah in tow, the Northern lights came out. Such a great end to a great evening.
Oh, and I thought that would be a good end to this post, but I just remembered one more thing that happened after we got home, and I just have to share. Micah fell asleep with his eyes open. I'm not even kidding. He HAD to have been asleep. It was slightly scary because he looked dead. At least he was dead to the world. His eyes were WIDE open, but nothing we did actually woke him up. We even got a picture of it, with a really bright flash, and he barely reacted to the flash. The picture is of course, not very good quality, but we found it hilarious, so I'm posting it. Enjoy!
But then when I told Scott, he looked at the pictures and said they were rabbit tracks. We went outside to look again, and Scott found little bunny toes inside the tracks. So it must've been our rabbit. How disappointing. Oh well.
The appointment went well, my baby boy now weighs a whopping 12 lbs, 7 oz! And he's 24 inches long! So crazy. It was rather comical when they got these measurements. He had to be weighed with no clothes or diaper, so I think they deserved what they got. When I took the diaper off, it was dirty, so I wiped him down and threw the diaper away. No sooner had I thrown it away, I turned around and a fountain was springing on high, wetting EVERYTHING. Including himself. When he was finished, he was all wet, and there was a huge wet puddle surrounding him. So again, I pulled out the wipes, and wiped him down, pretty much all over. Then we picked him up, the assistant pulled the paper off the scale, threw it away, and put some fresh, clean paper down, and we laid him back down. No sooner had we done THIS, he proceeded to spit up what looked like his entire previous meal...ALL over the place. He got the whole back of his head wet with the stuff, his neck, shoulders, and again left a big wet puddle, this time around his head and shoulders. So, needless to say, lots of cleaning up was involved with weighing and measuring him.
They also had to give him four immunizations. Three shots, and one was something he drank. Poor baby, my heart hurts for him when he's screaming in pain. :( They told me he'd be grumpy for the next few days, but he's actually been pretty happy. Just really sleepy. He slept 11 hours straight last night! Good for him, but bad for me... I kept waking up wondering if he was ok, and also, not nursing for 11 hours makes things rather uncomfortable for me. But I'm glad he doesn't seem to be in much pain.
And now for the fancy date part. Last night was great! For the first time since Micah was born, we went on a date. And this was our first FANCY date. We got a babysitter, and Scott bought tickets to the Fairbanks City Food Sampler at the Westmark Hotel. A bunch of really nice restaurants came in and cooked, and we all got little plates and wine glasses, and just walked around to whatever table we desired, and got samples of that particular restaurant's food. It was great. It was kind of strange since we were standing up the entire time as we ate (they had these tables at which you could eat...but no chairs. They were at chest height.)
We tried a lot of amazing things, including some margarita chicken, cornbread topped with jambalaya, little pulled pork sandwiches, and the strangest of all: cinnamon french toast topped with chocolate chip chipotle ice cream (yes, SPICY ice cream...) and apple compote. It was really good, but really strange. I've never had ice cream before that has such a bite to it. That was compliments of the UAF Culinary Arts and Hospitality school. Everything we tried was really good. Although, since it was all from such different restaurants, it was interesting having such different food items for a meal. In Scott's words, it was "a gastrointestinal blitzkrieg." But it was worth it. There was also a live jazz band playing a lot of excellent songs, and it was fun getting to dress up a bit and be out and about with my best friend and not have to watch the baby. Although after we were done eating, we weren't sure what to do, so Scott suggested we walk around the room and point at things. Which we did. Haha. All in all, it was a wonderful evening. We had a bit of time afterwards, so we went to Barnes and Noble and got some tea, and walked around looking at books. I felt so sophisticated. :)
As we were driving home with Micah in tow, the Northern lights came out. Such a great end to a great evening.
Oh, and I thought that would be a good end to this post, but I just remembered one more thing that happened after we got home, and I just have to share. Micah fell asleep with his eyes open. I'm not even kidding. He HAD to have been asleep. It was slightly scary because he looked dead. At least he was dead to the world. His eyes were WIDE open, but nothing we did actually woke him up. We even got a picture of it, with a really bright flash, and he barely reacted to the flash. The picture is of course, not very good quality, but we found it hilarious, so I'm posting it. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Catching up...in pictures.
Finally! A moment with Micah asleep, Scott isn't using this computer, and I can afford to indulge in a little free time today. So here are a few pictures to catch up.
This is what we woke up to on Sunday morning. You can't really see the snow in the first shot, because Scott's grill was on the porch and taking up most of a clear shot to the backyard, plus there's this ugly post in our backyard that wouldn't really make a good subject. So I was kinda stuck shooting up into the trees. I like that I got the moon at least.
And a couple better shots after I moved the silly grill.
This is what we woke up to on Sunday morning. You can't really see the snow in the first shot, because Scott's grill was on the porch and taking up most of a clear shot to the backyard, plus there's this ugly post in our backyard that wouldn't really make a good subject. So I was kinda stuck shooting up into the trees. I like that I got the moon at least.
And a couple better shots after I moved the silly grill.
Of course I had to include my baby. I have this rather biased opinion that any picture is better with him in it. :)
It snowed again last night and everything looks much whiter now than it did before. We probably have a good two inches out there now. Very pretty... right now. It's not going to be so nice anymore when it's March and there's no sign of the snow being gone at all.
Yesterday was a good day. Micah only woke up once (same as last night!) and a friend of mine with whom I am getting better acquainted had a birthday, so we celebrated by going out to lunch at this amazing Thai restaurant in town. Afterwards, we spent a cozy afternoon at my house looking up youtube videos to share our favorite music with each other, and talking about anything and everything. I really enjoy her company, she's a very sweet, godly young lady, and a mom herself of a nine month old baby. She grew up in Spain since her parents were missionaries, and she is a ballet dancer and knows how to speak French. Also, I discovered she loves listening to the radio station out here that plays classical music and NPR (as do I). I feel so refined when I spend time with her. I guess I kind of wish sometimes that I was that classy, so it's fun to pretend I am for a while, as I sort of live vicariously through her when I learn more about her life. But I wouldn't trade lives, I definitely am grateful for where I am now, and for my little family. That beats everything. I hope very much to get to know her better still, and to enjoy true fellowship with her, since she is not afraid of challenging others and being challenged herself in our spiritual walks.
And on a completely different topic... I am getting more and more flustered with the pictures I take. I can't wait 'til I can capture great shots and do it quickly. 'Cause the best facial expressions, gestures, positions, etc. all happen in a split second, and the lighting is usually awful, and the pictures are sometimes a bit blurry, and I'm not good at getting them with the perfect settings. But I'm determined to get better. I hate posting pictures on here that I don't really consider very good, but these are all capturing every day life around here, even if they're not the best quality.
Now my boy is awake, there is a fridge to be cleaned out, a happy baby to play with, floors to be swept (AGAIN), a car to clean out, a bed to be made, ANOTHER load of laundry to be done, and on and on the list goes. So I leave you with a couple of smiles. :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
Silly stuff. And snow.
It's been a productive day! Except for this morning. I had an appointment scheduled to be seen for the stuff I posted about a few days ago, but it was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning. Which meant leaving at 7:50. Which is hard to do with a baby waking you up during the night. You see where this is going. I didn't make it. I had my alarm set for 7:00, Micah woke me up at 6:00 to eat, and then I went back to bed and slept for another half hour before the alarm went off. I was a total idiot and turned the alarm OFF instead of SNOOZING it. My reasoning?
"Oh, I don't have much time, I need to get up, not snooze it again."
And then I promptly fell back to sleep. Fast forward to 8:15, I wake up, delirious, and wondering if there is something important I should be doing...
"NOOOO!" the inside of my head screams, "IT'S 8:15! You IDIOT!"
So I proceeded to scramble to throw some clothes on, grab the baby, change him with frantic apologies about how I couldn't feed him right away (which he cooed at so I think the apology was accepted), got him strapped in his car-seat and drove off. And it was snowing hard. I was careful getting there, but as soon as I was parked, I jumped out of the car, ran to the other side to grab Micah and...
No!! The car-seat won't fit! (It was parked too close to the car. Because the OTHER car was really sloppily parked.)
I shut the door, ran back around, and pulled his car seat out from the other side. Then I walked quickly inside, and got there 15 minutes late. Apparently they call it a "no-show" when you're 10 minutes late. So much for all that. *sigh*.
But the rest of the day was good. The house was a disaster, and it was snowing and looked so beautiful, and that always inspires me to clean up so it's all nice and cozy inside. Snow outside is a great natural decoration when all the curtains are open.
Here's what I actually got done:
Three loads of laundry! Washed, dryed, folded, AND put away!
Unloaded the dishes
Loaded the dishes
Ran the dishwasher
Washed the pots and pans
Tidied up around the house
Swept
Cleaned up our room
And even made the bed!
All this while feeding Micah, burping him, changing him, playing with him...over and over and over again. I'd say it was a good, productive day. And the house looks much better. Oh, and smells better. :P
Oh, and I have one more funny story from the other day, for those of you who didn't see my post on Google+.
Scott was gassing up the car Sunday afternoon, and Micah started getting a bit fussy. Scott opened the car door where Micah was, and said,
"What's up, Speedo?" Completely baffled, I questioned what he meant by that. His reply?
"Yeah, speedo; because he's tiny and looks rather uncomfortable."
Haha. I love my family. :)
Oh, and I have pictures to post, but I've not had a chance all day to get to the main computer so I can upload them off my camera. Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow.
"Oh, I don't have much time, I need to get up, not snooze it again."
And then I promptly fell back to sleep. Fast forward to 8:15, I wake up, delirious, and wondering if there is something important I should be doing...
"NOOOO!" the inside of my head screams, "IT'S 8:15! You IDIOT!"
So I proceeded to scramble to throw some clothes on, grab the baby, change him with frantic apologies about how I couldn't feed him right away (which he cooed at so I think the apology was accepted), got him strapped in his car-seat and drove off. And it was snowing hard. I was careful getting there, but as soon as I was parked, I jumped out of the car, ran to the other side to grab Micah and...
No!! The car-seat won't fit! (It was parked too close to the car. Because the OTHER car was really sloppily parked.)
I shut the door, ran back around, and pulled his car seat out from the other side. Then I walked quickly inside, and got there 15 minutes late. Apparently they call it a "no-show" when you're 10 minutes late. So much for all that. *sigh*.
But the rest of the day was good. The house was a disaster, and it was snowing and looked so beautiful, and that always inspires me to clean up so it's all nice and cozy inside. Snow outside is a great natural decoration when all the curtains are open.
Here's what I actually got done:
Three loads of laundry! Washed, dryed, folded, AND put away!
Unloaded the dishes
Loaded the dishes
Ran the dishwasher
Washed the pots and pans
Tidied up around the house
Swept
Cleaned up our room
And even made the bed!
All this while feeding Micah, burping him, changing him, playing with him...over and over and over again. I'd say it was a good, productive day. And the house looks much better. Oh, and smells better. :P
Oh, and I have one more funny story from the other day, for those of you who didn't see my post on Google+.
Scott was gassing up the car Sunday afternoon, and Micah started getting a bit fussy. Scott opened the car door where Micah was, and said,
"What's up, Speedo?" Completely baffled, I questioned what he meant by that. His reply?
"Yeah, speedo; because he's tiny and looks rather uncomfortable."
Haha. I love my family. :)
Oh, and I have pictures to post, but I've not had a chance all day to get to the main computer so I can upload them off my camera. Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A prayer request
So, this'll be a boring post but I'm hoping you read it and keep me in your prayers. I'll try to post some more interesting things later. :)
For the past several weeks, I've been having what seems like stomach problems, always at night when I'm trying to sleep, so it's rather frustrating because when it flares up I CANNOT sleep. And I NEED sleep in the worst way. The symptoms were rather strange, nothing I've ever felt before (my upper abdomen and my upper back both intensely hurt at the same time, and the pain is a weird one), and I didn't think a doctor would be helpful at all. But really early this morning during a really painful attack, to distract myself and desperate to come up with an answer, I did some different research online and found something that EXACTLY matched my symptoms. It may be a gallbladder problem. That's probably way more than you all wanted to know. :P I called the Eielson clinic and set up an appointment for Monday, and a nurse talked to me and said that sure enough, it does sound like a gallbladder problem.
The bigger problem is that I really don't trust doctors anymore. I mean really. I'm borderline psychotic about them now I think. I'm afraid they're going to decide that if I have stones or something, the only way to "cure" me would be to give me invasive surgery and remove it altogether. Something I really don't think is the best option. But doctors these days seem to be more concerned about money and convenience for themselves than about the actual patients, and of course, people listen to them because, well, they're the "expert." And I'm finding myself disagreeing with how they do things more and more, whether they're handling my child or me. But I was in so much pain this morning, I didn't know what else to do but to make an appointment with a doctor. At least they'll be sticking needles in ME and not in my poor son (this might not make sense to some of you, so to clarify, Micah was hospitalized a while back for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And had 6 IV's and a spinal tap.) So I guess the big prayer request is, please pray that everything is ok with me, and that I don't really have anything that would require surgery. Also, please pray that Scott and I have wisdom whatever happens at this appointment. I am thoroughly sick and tired of doctors and clinics and hospitals.
And one more thing, please pray that I don't have another flare up before Monday, they're getting really bad and I still have to take care of Micah and it is SO hard to do that when I am in pain. Anyway, thanks for reading, it's a relief to kind of get that off my mind. Perhaps I will be able to post some happier things and pictures later on. :) But if not, have a wonderful weekend!
For the past several weeks, I've been having what seems like stomach problems, always at night when I'm trying to sleep, so it's rather frustrating because when it flares up I CANNOT sleep. And I NEED sleep in the worst way. The symptoms were rather strange, nothing I've ever felt before (my upper abdomen and my upper back both intensely hurt at the same time, and the pain is a weird one), and I didn't think a doctor would be helpful at all. But really early this morning during a really painful attack, to distract myself and desperate to come up with an answer, I did some different research online and found something that EXACTLY matched my symptoms. It may be a gallbladder problem. That's probably way more than you all wanted to know. :P I called the Eielson clinic and set up an appointment for Monday, and a nurse talked to me and said that sure enough, it does sound like a gallbladder problem.
The bigger problem is that I really don't trust doctors anymore. I mean really. I'm borderline psychotic about them now I think. I'm afraid they're going to decide that if I have stones or something, the only way to "cure" me would be to give me invasive surgery and remove it altogether. Something I really don't think is the best option. But doctors these days seem to be more concerned about money and convenience for themselves than about the actual patients, and of course, people listen to them because, well, they're the "expert." And I'm finding myself disagreeing with how they do things more and more, whether they're handling my child or me. But I was in so much pain this morning, I didn't know what else to do but to make an appointment with a doctor. At least they'll be sticking needles in ME and not in my poor son (this might not make sense to some of you, so to clarify, Micah was hospitalized a while back for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And had 6 IV's and a spinal tap.) So I guess the big prayer request is, please pray that everything is ok with me, and that I don't really have anything that would require surgery. Also, please pray that Scott and I have wisdom whatever happens at this appointment. I am thoroughly sick and tired of doctors and clinics and hospitals.
And one more thing, please pray that I don't have another flare up before Monday, they're getting really bad and I still have to take care of Micah and it is SO hard to do that when I am in pain. Anyway, thanks for reading, it's a relief to kind of get that off my mind. Perhaps I will be able to post some happier things and pictures later on. :) But if not, have a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A mind-full. Part 2. (Pictures included.)
Today is so much better than the last couple days. I have so very much for which to praise my God.
The Dr. appointment went well, better than I expected. This doctor was actually very patient with me and very kind. He dispelled all my fears and all my belligerence went away. I admit, I drove there this morning talking to myself like a crazy person. I was having a conversation with some invisible doctor and imagining what they might say to me and it sounded something like this, "I've been through ENOUGH with you people, you are all quacks. You don't care if you hurt your patients as long as the job gets done and is done quickly. I don't trust you at all. I've been through enough pain the last couple months, both physically and mentally when you hurt my baby over and over again for no reason. There is no way on earth you are TOUCHING me." And on and on it went. I was sort of growly. (I know that's not a word. I made it up.) And then, when I entered the room and realized that exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen was going to happen whether I liked it or not, I'm pretty sure I got the look of some cornered, wild animal on my face. The doctor and his assistant came in, sat down, and I felt like I was about to be stupid. He looked at me very kindly and said, "Are you ok? You don't look so good," and I promptly burst into tears. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I cry too much. They were both instantly saying, "It's ok, you can reschedule if you're uncomfortable with this, here's a kleenex," I got control of myself quickly with the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired" explanation, and told them I was rather scared. Praise God he was so understanding. The rest of the appointment went very smoothly, no more tears. I drove away relieved that it was all done and I wasn't traumatized. So, I'm glad for that.
Also, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. When I got out to my car, there was a note on the driver's seat saying, "Love you, Scott" it made my day. I was smiling the whole way home. And last night he made dinner, cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, dishes and all, and after Micah went to bed he just let me talk to him and tell him some things I've really been struggling with and really frustrated with, and it was such a comfort. I love him so much. I am so very blessed.
Micah seems to be feeling better already since I cut most dairy out of my diet again. I'm glad. I like it when he's happy. I think he's going through a growth spurt too, he's eating a lot right now and sleeping any chance he gets. Precious boy. I'm sometimes overwhelmed with how much I love him. I'm enjoying all his smiles, and I just KNOW he's going to laugh soon. Before I put him down for his nap a few minutes ago, he laughed in his sleep like usual, but instead of the usual hiccup-sounding laugh, it was a real laugh! So very sweet. It warmed my heart up. I also got to talk to my dear mom today, and she got to hear all his happy sounds. It was great. :) I cannot wait to go out there and see all of you again. Please be praying we get everything figured out with buying the tickets as cheap as we can, and that Scott's leave goes through.
And now... for my to-do list for the day (or probably for the rest of the week) in no particular order. I'll be starting on this as soon as I finish here:
1. Laundry (seriously... I have to do laundry pretty much every day. It is never ending.)
2. Wash the breakfast pan, run the dishwasher
3. Vacuum Micah's room, computer room, and our room
4. Make the bed
5. Wash all the blankets/linens
6. Work on finishing the prep work for my quilt
7. Make a menu plan, finish making grocery list
8. Grocery shopping
9. Tidy up the house
10. Figure out where to put Scott's bike (it's on the mount we just bought right now so it can be ridden inside)
11. Write some letters
12. Burn some pictures on a CD for my grandparents (Note: this one is important!)
Bigger projects for the next couple months include but are not limited to:
1. Sorting out Micah's room, rearranging some things since we have more furniture in there and more clothing
2. The great laundry switch...taking the winter clothes out of the bin, and putting all our summer clothes away
3. Beginning to plan out and organize the upcoming holiday season (that one should be FUN! :D)
4. Start making some Christmas gifts
5. Trying out some new, dairy-free recipes
Hmmm. These lists aren't actually as big as they used to be. But they're definitely big enough, with Micah around.
Time to get busy (and grab something to eat before he wakes up). So I leave you with more of the many faces of Micah. :)
The Dr. appointment went well, better than I expected. This doctor was actually very patient with me and very kind. He dispelled all my fears and all my belligerence went away. I admit, I drove there this morning talking to myself like a crazy person. I was having a conversation with some invisible doctor and imagining what they might say to me and it sounded something like this, "I've been through ENOUGH with you people, you are all quacks. You don't care if you hurt your patients as long as the job gets done and is done quickly. I don't trust you at all. I've been through enough pain the last couple months, both physically and mentally when you hurt my baby over and over again for no reason. There is no way on earth you are TOUCHING me." And on and on it went. I was sort of growly. (I know that's not a word. I made it up.) And then, when I entered the room and realized that exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen was going to happen whether I liked it or not, I'm pretty sure I got the look of some cornered, wild animal on my face. The doctor and his assistant came in, sat down, and I felt like I was about to be stupid. He looked at me very kindly and said, "Are you ok? You don't look so good," and I promptly burst into tears. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I cry too much. They were both instantly saying, "It's ok, you can reschedule if you're uncomfortable with this, here's a kleenex," I got control of myself quickly with the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired" explanation, and told them I was rather scared. Praise God he was so understanding. The rest of the appointment went very smoothly, no more tears. I drove away relieved that it was all done and I wasn't traumatized. So, I'm glad for that.
Also, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. When I got out to my car, there was a note on the driver's seat saying, "Love you, Scott" it made my day. I was smiling the whole way home. And last night he made dinner, cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, dishes and all, and after Micah went to bed he just let me talk to him and tell him some things I've really been struggling with and really frustrated with, and it was such a comfort. I love him so much. I am so very blessed.
Micah seems to be feeling better already since I cut most dairy out of my diet again. I'm glad. I like it when he's happy. I think he's going through a growth spurt too, he's eating a lot right now and sleeping any chance he gets. Precious boy. I'm sometimes overwhelmed with how much I love him. I'm enjoying all his smiles, and I just KNOW he's going to laugh soon. Before I put him down for his nap a few minutes ago, he laughed in his sleep like usual, but instead of the usual hiccup-sounding laugh, it was a real laugh! So very sweet. It warmed my heart up. I also got to talk to my dear mom today, and she got to hear all his happy sounds. It was great. :) I cannot wait to go out there and see all of you again. Please be praying we get everything figured out with buying the tickets as cheap as we can, and that Scott's leave goes through.
And now... for my to-do list for the day (or probably for the rest of the week) in no particular order. I'll be starting on this as soon as I finish here:
1. Laundry (seriously... I have to do laundry pretty much every day. It is never ending.)
2. Wash the breakfast pan, run the dishwasher
3. Vacuum Micah's room, computer room, and our room
4. Make the bed
5. Wash all the blankets/linens
6. Work on finishing the prep work for my quilt
7. Make a menu plan, finish making grocery list
8. Grocery shopping
9. Tidy up the house
10. Figure out where to put Scott's bike (it's on the mount we just bought right now so it can be ridden inside)
11. Write some letters
12. Burn some pictures on a CD for my grandparents (Note: this one is important!)
Bigger projects for the next couple months include but are not limited to:
1. Sorting out Micah's room, rearranging some things since we have more furniture in there and more clothing
2. The great laundry switch...taking the winter clothes out of the bin, and putting all our summer clothes away
3. Beginning to plan out and organize the upcoming holiday season (that one should be FUN! :D)
4. Start making some Christmas gifts
5. Trying out some new, dairy-free recipes
Hmmm. These lists aren't actually as big as they used to be. But they're definitely big enough, with Micah around.
Time to get busy (and grab something to eat before he wakes up). So I leave you with more of the many faces of Micah. :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I'm feeling rather "blah" at the moment. Still pretty tired, and no end in sight. Also this will probably be pretty random since my mind is just jumping around everywhere. Here is a sample of what is going on in my head right now.
- We have a bunny in our backyard. Ever since we moved here, at the beginning of the summer, this little, brown bunny was often spotted munching on grass and leaves. When our families were out here, they all got to watch the bunny too. Over the past two months, the bunny has been changing from brown to white. He looked rather comical with white legs, a white nose, white ears, white tail, and brown everywhere else. But we saw him today, and he is almost all completely white now, he looks so beautiful and soft.
Before...
After...
- I can't wait 'til Micah goes to bed. I am to a point right now where anytime he starts that little, heart-breaking pouty face, and then begins screaming, I either want to start sobbing or I want to get angry. Usually, my outward reaction is to just stare blankly at him and try to find the source of the discomfort while the cries pierce through my brain. And every nerve in my body shatters. Or at least that's what it feels like. After the incident the other day though, I've been better about not getting angry again and just doing what I have to in sort of a mechanical way. I hurt inside for him though. And feel super frustrated at the same time.
- On the plus side, he took a nice, long nap today while I was at a friend's house, and we began a quilt. I'm excited about that. I really need to get out of the house sometimes and do pleasant things with other people to stay sane. Also, winter is coming, so everyone is trying to find some routine that allows them to forget about the cold and the dark. That's another way people prepare for the winter out here - get a major social life. Or get drunk. But I don't plan on doing that. So social life it is.
- Unfortunately, because I spent most of the morning/early afternoon working on this quilt with my friend, the housework didn't get done, so as soon as I'm done posting, I'm going to have to get working on that. And tomorrow after my doctor's appointment.
- Speaking of that, I am also dreading that because I'm afraid they're going to do some things that I absolutely hate and I won't be candid enough to share what it is, so it's enough for you to know that I really want tomorrow morning to be over with.
- Wow. I am really being a downer today. I tend to re-read what I write about 12 times before I actually post anything, to scan for spelling errors, grammar, punctuation (some of which is wrong on purpose. It looks more conversational.) also... I really like almost memorizing what I write so I can be all happy when people comment on it and I realize people are actually reading it. I'm going to assume that part is for rather prideful reasons.
- So now I'm going to end with something happy: we think Micah MAY have tried to laugh the other day. (Did I post this already? I'm not sure. Oh well.) We were about to give him a bath, and he was laying on a towel with just his diaper on. Scott had his feet, and started clapping them together. Micah gave him a huge grin, and then Scott took Micah's feet and touched Micah's face with them. Suddenly, the huge grin got almost impossibly more large, and then he began to kind of inhale rapidly. It's hard to describe. It was ADORABLE. I got video of it, however, you can hardly hear what he's doing because I am so overcome with excitement that I'm speaking in a super high, squeaky, loud voice. I swear I almost go inaudible once my voice is so high-pitched. So ridiculous. So hopefully we can get another video sometime soon, and this time I will shut my trap. :) And here are some pictures we took yesterday and today. Enjoy!
- We have a bunny in our backyard. Ever since we moved here, at the beginning of the summer, this little, brown bunny was often spotted munching on grass and leaves. When our families were out here, they all got to watch the bunny too. Over the past two months, the bunny has been changing from brown to white. He looked rather comical with white legs, a white nose, white ears, white tail, and brown everywhere else. But we saw him today, and he is almost all completely white now, he looks so beautiful and soft.
Before...
- I can't wait 'til Micah goes to bed. I am to a point right now where anytime he starts that little, heart-breaking pouty face, and then begins screaming, I either want to start sobbing or I want to get angry. Usually, my outward reaction is to just stare blankly at him and try to find the source of the discomfort while the cries pierce through my brain. And every nerve in my body shatters. Or at least that's what it feels like. After the incident the other day though, I've been better about not getting angry again and just doing what I have to in sort of a mechanical way. I hurt inside for him though. And feel super frustrated at the same time.
- On the plus side, he took a nice, long nap today while I was at a friend's house, and we began a quilt. I'm excited about that. I really need to get out of the house sometimes and do pleasant things with other people to stay sane. Also, winter is coming, so everyone is trying to find some routine that allows them to forget about the cold and the dark. That's another way people prepare for the winter out here - get a major social life. Or get drunk. But I don't plan on doing that. So social life it is.
- Unfortunately, because I spent most of the morning/early afternoon working on this quilt with my friend, the housework didn't get done, so as soon as I'm done posting, I'm going to have to get working on that. And tomorrow after my doctor's appointment.
- Speaking of that, I am also dreading that because I'm afraid they're going to do some things that I absolutely hate and I won't be candid enough to share what it is, so it's enough for you to know that I really want tomorrow morning to be over with.
- Wow. I am really being a downer today. I tend to re-read what I write about 12 times before I actually post anything, to scan for spelling errors, grammar, punctuation (some of which is wrong on purpose. It looks more conversational.) also... I really like almost memorizing what I write so I can be all happy when people comment on it and I realize people are actually reading it. I'm going to assume that part is for rather prideful reasons.
- So now I'm going to end with something happy: we think Micah MAY have tried to laugh the other day. (Did I post this already? I'm not sure. Oh well.) We were about to give him a bath, and he was laying on a towel with just his diaper on. Scott had his feet, and started clapping them together. Micah gave him a huge grin, and then Scott took Micah's feet and touched Micah's face with them. Suddenly, the huge grin got almost impossibly more large, and then he began to kind of inhale rapidly. It's hard to describe. It was ADORABLE. I got video of it, however, you can hardly hear what he's doing because I am so overcome with excitement that I'm speaking in a super high, squeaky, loud voice. I swear I almost go inaudible once my voice is so high-pitched. So ridiculous. So hopefully we can get another video sometime soon, and this time I will shut my trap. :) And here are some pictures we took yesterday and today. Enjoy!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The fruit of the Spirit is ...thankfulness...
Now for some things for which to be grateful...
1. A warm house to protect us from the cold
2. That I am healthy enough to take care of my family
3. A washer and dryer for clean clothes
4. A husband who cares very much for the both of us
5. Playtime...
6. Happy baby noises
7. A sweet, drowsy little smile when I kiss his little cheeks
8. A whispered, half awake "I love you" from my husband when accidentally roused from sleep
9. The ability to stay home with my baby instead of having to go to work and leave him
10. The discovery of a new friend who is not afraid to have real fellowship with me
11. The food that I CAN eat that many people can't afford
12. The incredible beauty of God's creation
13. A sling I can actually use that allows me to hold Micah and do housework at the same time
14. A precious, fuzzy little head to kiss
15. Sleep...whenever I can get it
16. The happy, care-free couple of hours at the very end of the day I can spend with my husband after Micah is in bed
17. A small group meeting every week with which to have fellowship and to get us through the dark, cold winter
18. A wonderful church
19. A little bit of free time when the baby is napping
20. Laughter and silliness
1. A warm house to protect us from the cold
2. That I am healthy enough to take care of my family
3. A washer and dryer for clean clothes
4. A husband who cares very much for the both of us
5. Playtime...
6. Happy baby noises
7. A sweet, drowsy little smile when I kiss his little cheeks
8. A whispered, half awake "I love you" from my husband when accidentally roused from sleep
9. The ability to stay home with my baby instead of having to go to work and leave him
10. The discovery of a new friend who is not afraid to have real fellowship with me
11. The food that I CAN eat that many people can't afford
12. The incredible beauty of God's creation
13. A sling I can actually use that allows me to hold Micah and do housework at the same time
14. A precious, fuzzy little head to kiss
15. Sleep...whenever I can get it
16. The happy, care-free couple of hours at the very end of the day I can spend with my husband after Micah is in bed
17. A small group meeting every week with which to have fellowship and to get us through the dark, cold winter
18. A wonderful church
19. A little bit of free time when the baby is napping
20. Laughter and silliness
"Again" sounds funny when you say it enough...
Today has been a messy day so far. Messy in more ways than one. It started at about 5:30 am, feeding Micah. First, I'll be honest, nursing can be awfully messy by itself. The stuff can get EVERYWHERE. I'll spare you the details and leave it at that. Next, Micah made a diaper. So I started changing it. Thankfully, I had a new diaper underneath him while I was dispatching the dirty one. Because babies can shoot, um, well, poop a pretty good distance. Everywhere. So I had to get another clean diaper when he was finally done, then change his clothing, wipe his back and legs, and change the blankets with which he was swaddled. I honestly don't think poop is gross anymore, it's just...messy. I don't like mess. After that, he has spit up on me several times today. I didn't even bother changing at first, because I knew he'd spit up on me more than once. And this with a burp rag underneath him. He can still manage to get spit up on me.
And I have not had time at all today to even brush my hair or anything. (Well, now I have, he's sleeping at the moment.) I'm just... a mess. After the poop incident this morning, he woke me up yet again, after only an hour of precious sleep. He was screaming and crying, and I almost lost it. There is something inside me sometimes, that can boil over and snap when I've had hardly any sleep, the baby is crying yet again, the house is a mess, I'm trying to swaddle him up again and his little arms keep slipping out of it somehow... and the list goes on and on. I yelled at him to "Hush!!!" And then I clapped my face into my hands. And almost cried. Because I'm an awful parent. There, I've exposed myself. *sigh*. Yes, I have yelled at my baby, and he's just trying to tell me something's wrong. As it turns out, he is SUPER sensitive to dirty diapers, as soon as I changed it (again...) he stopped crying. I'm horrible. I'm so thankful he's so forgiving. He was smiling and making happy noises again at me in no time. Thank God for grace. I'd be completely lost without it.
To top it all off, I have to cut dairy out of my diet again, and I'm feeling extremely tired again because, yet again (I'm saying "again" quite a lot...) he is waking up two or three times a night and I now have a constant headache. The diet thing is no walk in the park either, last time I cut dairy and gluten and wheat and soy out of my diet (dairy ended up being the hardest to give up), after about 10 days I was LONGING for the stuff again. It was insane. I could not. stop. thinking. about food. I even almost cried about it. It affected everything in my life until I got to eat it again. Now, this time, I don't have to cut wheat, gluten, and soy out, but I AM trying to cut down on carbs because I eat a lot of it, more than is good for me. So I'll have a happy baby on my hands again (he's gotten really cranky since I stopped the elimination diet), but I'll be going crazy myself.
On a lighter note, snow has been falling off and on all day. I like snow when it first happens. It's a nice change from the dreariness and monotony going on all day. It's nice and cozy in the house (although I'd like it better if it was actually clean...) and quiet at the moment, so I'm enjoying it. Hmm.. it won't be quiet soon though. I hear my boy trying to wake up. I will try to post some more later on, happier things. And more pictures. But for now, time to attempt to eat something before Micah wakes completely up and is crying for something else. And maybe take something for this headache. *sigh*.
And I have not had time at all today to even brush my hair or anything. (Well, now I have, he's sleeping at the moment.) I'm just... a mess. After the poop incident this morning, he woke me up yet again, after only an hour of precious sleep. He was screaming and crying, and I almost lost it. There is something inside me sometimes, that can boil over and snap when I've had hardly any sleep, the baby is crying yet again, the house is a mess, I'm trying to swaddle him up again and his little arms keep slipping out of it somehow... and the list goes on and on. I yelled at him to "Hush!!!" And then I clapped my face into my hands. And almost cried. Because I'm an awful parent. There, I've exposed myself. *sigh*. Yes, I have yelled at my baby, and he's just trying to tell me something's wrong. As it turns out, he is SUPER sensitive to dirty diapers, as soon as I changed it (again...) he stopped crying. I'm horrible. I'm so thankful he's so forgiving. He was smiling and making happy noises again at me in no time. Thank God for grace. I'd be completely lost without it.
To top it all off, I have to cut dairy out of my diet again, and I'm feeling extremely tired again because, yet again (I'm saying "again" quite a lot...) he is waking up two or three times a night and I now have a constant headache. The diet thing is no walk in the park either, last time I cut dairy and gluten and wheat and soy out of my diet (dairy ended up being the hardest to give up), after about 10 days I was LONGING for the stuff again. It was insane. I could not. stop. thinking. about food. I even almost cried about it. It affected everything in my life until I got to eat it again. Now, this time, I don't have to cut wheat, gluten, and soy out, but I AM trying to cut down on carbs because I eat a lot of it, more than is good for me. So I'll have a happy baby on my hands again (he's gotten really cranky since I stopped the elimination diet), but I'll be going crazy myself.
On a lighter note, snow has been falling off and on all day. I like snow when it first happens. It's a nice change from the dreariness and monotony going on all day. It's nice and cozy in the house (although I'd like it better if it was actually clean...) and quiet at the moment, so I'm enjoying it. Hmm.. it won't be quiet soon though. I hear my boy trying to wake up. I will try to post some more later on, happier things. And more pictures. But for now, time to attempt to eat something before Micah wakes completely up and is crying for something else. And maybe take something for this headache. *sigh*.
Monday, October 10, 2011
McDonald's and Motherhood. And how they tie together in my world.
Being a mom is a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, I love being one, I love my son very dearly, and I would do anything for him. But sometimes, there is a time when I very badly want change. It can be very monotonous around here. Every day consists of feeding the baby, burping the baby, changing the baby, putting the pacifier back in his mouth a dozen times every 30 seconds or so, doing the laundry, bathing the baby, feeding the baby again, burping the baby again, changing him again...and all that within the course of a couple hours. Repeat. Over, and over, and over again. Even the weeks have the same tone to them. On Mondays, I usually am cleaning up from the weekend, and doing a load or two of laundry. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I am attempting to perhaps clean the bathrooms or the floors, whatever is dirtiest, and doing more laundry. Thursdays, I go to PWOC (a women's Bible study at the Army base out here), and try to go grocery shopping. Fridays are a repeat of Tuesdays. All this of course on top of feeding, changing, burping, etc. The weekends are a bit more lax, since Scott's usually home to give me a slight reprieve. But then it all starts over again on Monday. I'm sure you get the idea now.
So now, I've been really wanting a change. I want to streak my hair. I want to wear makeup, maybe. I'd at least like to try. I want to wear nail polish. And actually be good at putting it on. I think all my clothes are hideous, and they don't fit me right. (And no amount of weight loss is going to change certain things.) Scott and I were talking about this the other day, and I told him I just want to be... well... more feminine I guess. He knows I've been trying to lose weight and get back to my original size (I only have a few pounds left to go), so he offered to give me a bunch of money when I lose the weight to get new clothes and accessories and anything I'd like within the limit he set. I'm really excited. We were also talking the other night about how it'd be fun if I could go get a makeover at a spa somewhere, or something. Just for the fun of it. (Isn't my husband wonderful??) :P I secretly thought though, that that will never happen because, let's face it, spas are super expensive. Manicures alone generally cost about $40.00. And that's cheap. The next day, we happened to get McDonald's for lunch, and we got a bunch of those Monopoly stickers to win things. Lo and behold, I got TWO out of the THREE tickets I'd need to win a $200.00 spa certificate!
I instantly decided that this was no coincidence, and I have just GOT to get the last sticker. Scott thinks I'm ridiculous, but he thinks it's pretty funny, so I don't care. I registered on the website to play, and we've been getting McD's now when we eat out. We're going to be tired of that food by the end of this. I suppose I've been well and truly "suckered in" to their marketing skills. Well done McDonald's, well done.
Oh, we also got a bunch of free medium fries, and one of the two $1,000,000.00 stickers needed for, well, $1,000,000.00, but I don't really care about that one. I know we won't win. I'm just humbly reaching out for the $200.00 makeover. So... if any of you happen to get McD's one day, and you happen to get one of the food/drinks with the stickers, and you are not interested in getting the spa certificate, and you just happen to get sticker #328... could you send it to me?
And now, back to the monotony. It's time to feed my son. And maybe paint my toenails. :)
So now, I've been really wanting a change. I want to streak my hair. I want to wear makeup, maybe. I'd at least like to try. I want to wear nail polish. And actually be good at putting it on. I think all my clothes are hideous, and they don't fit me right. (And no amount of weight loss is going to change certain things.) Scott and I were talking about this the other day, and I told him I just want to be... well... more feminine I guess. He knows I've been trying to lose weight and get back to my original size (I only have a few pounds left to go), so he offered to give me a bunch of money when I lose the weight to get new clothes and accessories and anything I'd like within the limit he set. I'm really excited. We were also talking the other night about how it'd be fun if I could go get a makeover at a spa somewhere, or something. Just for the fun of it. (Isn't my husband wonderful??) :P I secretly thought though, that that will never happen because, let's face it, spas are super expensive. Manicures alone generally cost about $40.00. And that's cheap. The next day, we happened to get McDonald's for lunch, and we got a bunch of those Monopoly stickers to win things. Lo and behold, I got TWO out of the THREE tickets I'd need to win a $200.00 spa certificate!
I instantly decided that this was no coincidence, and I have just GOT to get the last sticker. Scott thinks I'm ridiculous, but he thinks it's pretty funny, so I don't care. I registered on the website to play, and we've been getting McD's now when we eat out. We're going to be tired of that food by the end of this. I suppose I've been well and truly "suckered in" to their marketing skills. Well done McDonald's, well done.
Oh, we also got a bunch of free medium fries, and one of the two $1,000,000.00 stickers needed for, well, $1,000,000.00, but I don't really care about that one. I know we won't win. I'm just humbly reaching out for the $200.00 makeover. So... if any of you happen to get McD's one day, and you happen to get one of the food/drinks with the stickers, and you are not interested in getting the spa certificate, and you just happen to get sticker #328... could you send it to me?
And now, back to the monotony. It's time to feed my son. And maybe paint my toenails. :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
A good weekend. :)
I am so amazed at all the blessings God has given me. I SO do not deserve it. The past couple days have been great time with my little family. Yesterday Scott had to work, but fortunately he was able to get home around 12:30 or so, and the rest of the day was a quiet, restful time. Since he had to get up early, while we were hanging out in the living room, he proclaimed that he and Micah were going to take a nap. And they did. Right in the middle of the living room floor. PERFECT photo opportunites. Except for the lighting. I cannot seem to get the hang of good lighting. I'm never satisfied with my pictures in that area. Anyway, here are a few pictures of that I captured. :)
The sermon today was excellent, we're going through the book of Luke, and today was on the subject of spiritual gifts and fruit. It got me wondering, what kind of fruit am I producing? It's not a rhetorical question, feel free to answer. And be honest. Our pastor encouraged us to ask our other believing friends what kind of fruits and spiritual gifts they see in us, which I thought was an excellent idea. So, those of you who know me well enough (or even those who don't but something stands out) what spiritual gifts do you think I have? I'm curious to get some outside opinions. I also wondered if being faithful with what God gave me means making my family my ministry right now. I've never quite believed for some reason that my family IS my entire ministry, I always thought I'd reach out to more people than just that. But I will admit, my family is taking most of my energy right now. Something I've been pondering off and on for a while. I may visit this topic more later on, after I think about it some more.
After church, we ran some errands, stocking up on winter emergency gear (freeze-dried food, road flares, etc.), and went to a baby consignment store. I was glad we did, because Scott was wearing Micah in this sling that a friend gave us, and a lady in the store told us that the sling had been recalled because babies could suffocate in it. I was actually relieved to hear that, because I try to trust the stuff we have to take care of Micah, but that sling really scared me sometimes. So we got a carrier that's comfortable, both of us can wear it, it looks comfy for the boy, and it was $10.00 and not recalled. We stopped by the house, then drove out to the Chena Lakes Rec Area to take a good walk and take some pictures. I'm hoping to use one of them for a Christmas letter, so I won't post those right now. But it was very enjoyable; it was a beautiful day today, clear skies, sun was shining, and not too cold yet. Scott got cold, but I was running back and forth from us to the tripod and back again, so I got some exercise and warmed up. Hehe.
And now, we still have the rest of the evening to relax before we get back to the daily grind tomorrow. This has truly been a great weekend.
On a completely different note... this blogging thing is harder than I thought. Not because I don't have material, it's because I have too MUCH to say. There's still so much on my mind right now, but this post is once again getting rather long. But I had this brilliant idea the other day to just quickly jot down on my little notebook or a wordpad document on the computer the things that I'd still like to share whenever I think of them, and then I will have a never ending supply of things to write. Although I'm going to be all eager and impatient to post the next thing, so it'll be kind of hard. I get excited over really little things. :P
I will stop there for now. Until next time...
Ciao. (That sounds cool, in my head.)
 |
| "But I'm not tired!" |
 |
| "Kinda hungry though..." |
 |
| "I think I'll grab a bite to eat..." |
 |
| "Ew! This does NOT taste right!" |
 |
| This sight is so dear to my heart. :) |
The sermon today was excellent, we're going through the book of Luke, and today was on the subject of spiritual gifts and fruit. It got me wondering, what kind of fruit am I producing? It's not a rhetorical question, feel free to answer. And be honest. Our pastor encouraged us to ask our other believing friends what kind of fruits and spiritual gifts they see in us, which I thought was an excellent idea. So, those of you who know me well enough (or even those who don't but something stands out) what spiritual gifts do you think I have? I'm curious to get some outside opinions. I also wondered if being faithful with what God gave me means making my family my ministry right now. I've never quite believed for some reason that my family IS my entire ministry, I always thought I'd reach out to more people than just that. But I will admit, my family is taking most of my energy right now. Something I've been pondering off and on for a while. I may visit this topic more later on, after I think about it some more.
After church, we ran some errands, stocking up on winter emergency gear (freeze-dried food, road flares, etc.), and went to a baby consignment store. I was glad we did, because Scott was wearing Micah in this sling that a friend gave us, and a lady in the store told us that the sling had been recalled because babies could suffocate in it. I was actually relieved to hear that, because I try to trust the stuff we have to take care of Micah, but that sling really scared me sometimes. So we got a carrier that's comfortable, both of us can wear it, it looks comfy for the boy, and it was $10.00 and not recalled. We stopped by the house, then drove out to the Chena Lakes Rec Area to take a good walk and take some pictures. I'm hoping to use one of them for a Christmas letter, so I won't post those right now. But it was very enjoyable; it was a beautiful day today, clear skies, sun was shining, and not too cold yet. Scott got cold, but I was running back and forth from us to the tripod and back again, so I got some exercise and warmed up. Hehe.
And now, we still have the rest of the evening to relax before we get back to the daily grind tomorrow. This has truly been a great weekend.
On a completely different note... this blogging thing is harder than I thought. Not because I don't have material, it's because I have too MUCH to say. There's still so much on my mind right now, but this post is once again getting rather long. But I had this brilliant idea the other day to just quickly jot down on my little notebook or a wordpad document on the computer the things that I'd still like to share whenever I think of them, and then I will have a never ending supply of things to write. Although I'm going to be all eager and impatient to post the next thing, so it'll be kind of hard. I get excited over really little things. :P
I will stop there for now. Until next time...
Ciao. (That sounds cool, in my head.)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A mind-full. Part I.
So, I've had a lot on my mind the past couple days. That sounds really serious. I don't mean I have terribly important things I'm thinking about, just that there's a LOT I've been thinking about. Both good and maybe kinda bad. I'll start with the maybe kinda bad first.
I was sort of scared to leave facebook. Because I had a lot of friends on there, and I wasn't even sure if some of them actually were my friends or not. Usually I didn't add anyone unless I enjoy their company and they seemed to enjoy mine and we'd known each other a while... friends, right? I am very grateful for the many people who responded and wanted to keep in touch. But a lot of people also just left the conversation without replying. Which... I do understand, I didn't realize until after a few replies that EVERYONE in that message got everyone else's responses unless the responses were started in a new message. I felt bad for annoying everyone like that. Oops. I'll blame it on facebook. E-mails don't work that way, right? Unless you hit 'reply all'? ANYWAY. Some of those people I understood, because we already keep in touch a lot outside facebook, they don't need contact info or anything. But some left, and I felt really disappointed that they didn't seem to care to keep in touch at all. And they were people with whom I thought I had a good friendship. I'm not trying to attack anyone, the fault is with me. I just need to realize that not everyone on the planet is going to like me (have you noticed I'm a huge "people-pleaser"?) and that they could actually go the rest of their lives without knowing me ever again. And I need to be fine with that. After all, I need to be wanting to please God, not man.
And there's so many other things, but that was just one thing, and I'm starting to realize this post is going to be a mile long if I post everything that's on my mind. So now I'll just post one or two of the good things and leave the rest for the next post.
The snow still has not fallen, the days are all very bright and beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. I'm determined to get out today to take advantage of it. Because the days are getting much shorter, and I know that soon enough, they will only be about 4 hours long of one long sunrise and sunset. I really don't like the dark out here. The cold and snow I can stand. (Although the snow gets really old after a while too...) but the dark is depressing. No wonder there are "happy lights" everywhere out here. Seriously. That's what they're called, "happy lights." You go sit under one for 15 minutes, and it supposedly imitates the sun and you're supposed to feel better after you do that, and not go get drunk or high. Lots of people get drunk out here. Wow, see? My mind is just BURSTING. It keeps jumping around everywhere. Wait, and that was supposed to be one of my good things. The good thing is, the snow is still not here. And I am happy.
Ok, now I'll just stop before I bore everyone to tears. But before I go, I leave you with a picture I got yesterday of my little guy. I thought it was pretty funny. :) Enjoy!
I was sort of scared to leave facebook. Because I had a lot of friends on there, and I wasn't even sure if some of them actually were my friends or not. Usually I didn't add anyone unless I enjoy their company and they seemed to enjoy mine and we'd known each other a while... friends, right? I am very grateful for the many people who responded and wanted to keep in touch. But a lot of people also just left the conversation without replying. Which... I do understand, I didn't realize until after a few replies that EVERYONE in that message got everyone else's responses unless the responses were started in a new message. I felt bad for annoying everyone like that. Oops. I'll blame it on facebook. E-mails don't work that way, right? Unless you hit 'reply all'? ANYWAY. Some of those people I understood, because we already keep in touch a lot outside facebook, they don't need contact info or anything. But some left, and I felt really disappointed that they didn't seem to care to keep in touch at all. And they were people with whom I thought I had a good friendship. I'm not trying to attack anyone, the fault is with me. I just need to realize that not everyone on the planet is going to like me (have you noticed I'm a huge "people-pleaser"?) and that they could actually go the rest of their lives without knowing me ever again. And I need to be fine with that. After all, I need to be wanting to please God, not man.
And there's so many other things, but that was just one thing, and I'm starting to realize this post is going to be a mile long if I post everything that's on my mind. So now I'll just post one or two of the good things and leave the rest for the next post.
The snow still has not fallen, the days are all very bright and beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. I'm determined to get out today to take advantage of it. Because the days are getting much shorter, and I know that soon enough, they will only be about 4 hours long of one long sunrise and sunset. I really don't like the dark out here. The cold and snow I can stand. (Although the snow gets really old after a while too...) but the dark is depressing. No wonder there are "happy lights" everywhere out here. Seriously. That's what they're called, "happy lights." You go sit under one for 15 minutes, and it supposedly imitates the sun and you're supposed to feel better after you do that, and not go get drunk or high. Lots of people get drunk out here. Wow, see? My mind is just BURSTING. It keeps jumping around everywhere. Wait, and that was supposed to be one of my good things. The good thing is, the snow is still not here. And I am happy.
Ok, now I'll just stop before I bore everyone to tears. But before I go, I leave you with a picture I got yesterday of my little guy. I thought it was pretty funny. :) Enjoy!
Friday, October 7, 2011
ANOTHER post.
So, as promised from earlier, I am writing another post today. This one will have pictures. So it will be more interesting to those of you who will bother to read this. :)
And now I want to share something I found amusing before I share the pictures. It is completely unrelated to them. Earlier today, as I was naming this blog, I had a few ideas of what I wanted to name it, and decided I'd try typing a few in and checking their availability. Most of them were taken as you can imagine. In fact, I was slightly embarrassed that this was the name that I ultimately went with. Because I AM dumb as a sheep. But I don't want people to know that. Even though they probably do, they just don't say anything. But I digress...
I typed "dumb as sheep" in the availability box but without the dashes and without spaces. Try it yourself. The result is hilarious. I find swear words funny, in the right context. I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. Anyway...
Yesterday was amazing to me. I put Micah on his stomach because he was getting fussy and seemed to want a distraction. To my utter astonishment, this was the result.
I couldn't believe how long he stayed in this position, holding his head up! He's getting big and strong, SO fast! I love this little boy.
And now I want to share something I found amusing before I share the pictures. It is completely unrelated to them. Earlier today, as I was naming this blog, I had a few ideas of what I wanted to name it, and decided I'd try typing a few in and checking their availability. Most of them were taken as you can imagine. In fact, I was slightly embarrassed that this was the name that I ultimately went with. Because I AM dumb as a sheep. But I don't want people to know that. Even though they probably do, they just don't say anything. But I digress...
I typed "dumb as sheep" in the availability box but without the dashes and without spaces. Try it yourself. The result is hilarious. I find swear words funny, in the right context. I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. Anyway...
Yesterday was amazing to me. I put Micah on his stomach because he was getting fussy and seemed to want a distraction. To my utter astonishment, this was the result.
I couldn't believe how long he stayed in this position, holding his head up! He's getting big and strong, SO fast! I love this little boy.
-A fresh start-
I feel like I owe an explanation to all of you, especially those of you who already have blogs and are much better writers than I am. (Amy... I already LOVE your blog.) I needed to start this in order to keep everyone who's interested updated with what's going on in my life, because I am absolutely SICK of facebook and all that it entails. I am not a great writer. I've been reading some other blogs for a while that are absolutely fascinating or funny or just plain enjoyable to read. This is not one of those blogs. But I enjoy writing, and hopefully it'll help me say everything I'd like to get off my mind, so that my poor husband is spared excessive chatter from me, as he is the only adult with whom I have contact on a daily basis. ;) I am determined to be completely candid on here. Most of you who I've lured into reading this know me well enough to know that I tend to be rather a perfectionist, and I like things clean and neat and orderly. No messiness. Well, unfortunately, my heart is not like that at all. I'm a messy human being. I like to hide it. I don't like people seeing what kind of a person I really am, and I've begun to realize that I must be one of the most Pharisaical (I couldn't spell that...) people on the face of this earth. So now I'm going to do my very best to be completely open to exposing my messiness for what it is, and to view myself on a daily basis as God would have me: I am nothing, and He is EVERYTHING.
Also...since I'm a new mom I'll most likely end up talking about other gross things, like poop. (I'm cracking myself up right now. Is this sad or what?) Because my life has lots of that in it. I hope you don't mind. But I'll counteract that kind of gross-ness with pictures of my sweet little guy, so hopefully you won't all leave. :)
Since I'm so excited about starting this blog, and I have not much else to do today, I may add another post today (is that allowed? Two posts in one day?? I guess I don't have enough kids yet.) But for now, my son is getting fussy, and I have to go to the dump to throw out the trash bags because the garage is really smelly right now, and I have to go to the Post Office to pick up a package. So without further ado...
Goodbye... *ominous music*
...for now!
Also...since I'm a new mom I'll most likely end up talking about other gross things, like poop. (I'm cracking myself up right now. Is this sad or what?) Because my life has lots of that in it. I hope you don't mind. But I'll counteract that kind of gross-ness with pictures of my sweet little guy, so hopefully you won't all leave. :)
Since I'm so excited about starting this blog, and I have not much else to do today, I may add another post today (is that allowed? Two posts in one day?? I guess I don't have enough kids yet.) But for now, my son is getting fussy, and I have to go to the dump to throw out the trash bags because the garage is really smelly right now, and I have to go to the Post Office to pick up a package. So without further ado...
Goodbye... *ominous music*
...for now!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)