"Again" sounds funny when you say it enough...

Today has been a messy day so far. Messy in more ways than one. It started at about 5:30 am, feeding Micah. First, I'll be honest, nursing can be awfully messy by itself. The stuff can get EVERYWHERE. I'll spare you the details and leave it at that. Next, Micah made a diaper. So I started changing it. Thankfully, I had a new diaper underneath him while I was dispatching the dirty one. Because babies can shoot, um, well, poop a pretty good distance. Everywhere. So I had to get another clean diaper when he was finally done, then change his clothing, wipe his back and legs, and change the blankets with which he was swaddled. I honestly don't think poop is gross anymore, it's just...messy. I don't like mess. After that, he has spit up on me several times today. I didn't even bother changing at first, because I knew he'd spit up on me more than once. And this with a burp rag underneath him. He can still manage to get spit up on me.

And I have not had time at all today to even brush my hair or anything. (Well, now I have, he's sleeping at the moment.) I'm just... a mess. After the poop incident this morning, he woke me up yet again, after only an hour of precious sleep. He was screaming and crying, and I almost lost it. There is something inside me sometimes, that can boil over and snap when I've had hardly any sleep, the baby is crying yet again, the house is a mess, I'm trying to swaddle him up again and his little arms keep slipping out of it somehow... and the list goes on and on. I yelled at him to "Hush!!!" And then I clapped my face into my hands. And almost cried. Because I'm an awful parent. There, I've exposed myself. *sigh*. Yes, I have yelled at my baby, and he's just trying to tell me something's wrong. As it turns out, he is SUPER sensitive to dirty diapers, as soon as I changed it (again...) he stopped crying. I'm horrible. I'm so thankful he's so forgiving. He was smiling and making happy noises again at me in no time. Thank God for grace. I'd be completely lost without it.

To top it all off, I have to cut dairy out of my diet again, and I'm feeling extremely tired again because, yet again (I'm saying "again" quite a lot...) he is waking up two or three times a night and I now have a constant headache. The diet thing is no walk in the park either, last time I cut dairy and gluten and wheat and soy out of my diet (dairy ended up being the hardest to give up), after about 10 days I was LONGING for the stuff again. It was insane. I could not. stop. thinking. about food. I even almost cried about it. It affected everything in my life until I got to eat it again. Now, this time, I don't have to cut wheat, gluten, and soy out, but I AM trying to cut down on carbs because I eat a lot of it, more than is good for me. So I'll have a happy baby on my hands again (he's gotten really cranky since I stopped the elimination diet), but I'll be going crazy myself.

On a lighter note, snow has been falling off and on all day. I like snow when it first happens. It's a nice change from the dreariness and monotony going on all day. It's nice and cozy in the house (although I'd like it better if it was actually clean...) and quiet at the moment, so I'm enjoying it. Hmm.. it won't be quiet soon though. I hear my boy trying to wake up. I will try to post some more later on, happier things. And more pictures. But for now, time to attempt to eat something before Micah wakes completely up and is crying for something else. And maybe take something for this headache. *sigh*.