Well, yet again, I am apologizing for not making much effort to post. I promise, I have a reason this time! I've started a new diet or, "lifestyle," if you will. It's really hard. I mean, the good thing is, I am never feeling deprived or hungry during the day (except at night. Nights are NO FUN right now), and I am learning much, much better eating habits with real, unprocessed food. Except the food prep takes forever, especially since I'm still learning. (That's about to change, we bought a food processor last night, mwahahaha. Process ALL THE FOOD! *Ahem*) I've already lost about two and a half pounds, and this morning started Day 7! Just 3 months and 21 more days to go until I'm done with the program.
Before any of you start telling me, "Oh, but you're so skinny! You don't need to lose more weight!" with your brows all wrinkled and your noses scrunched up, let me just say... most of you haven't seen me since last April. I HAVE gained weight, and I'm not happy about it. I've let myself slide pretty far. I don't look TOO different (I think), but I definitely have 10 pounds to lose, let's just say that. I want to fit in my clothes again. And this isn't just some fad diet that's only going to help me lose weight. I just want to learn truly how to be healthy, I want to take care of myself so I don't have any more organs removed, and so I have energy to care for my family and anything else God may put my way.
ANYWAY. That's not what this post was supposed to be about. Since I keep putting it off, I just wanted to share some pictures I've taken throughout the past couple months, just to catch you up a bit. Enjoy!
A few Sundays ago, when my boys were both sick, I came home to find this contraption strapped to my son. It's a live-feed camera.
Some silliness...
Practicing his walking...
Reading books with Daddy... (Yes, that is a book about Mormonism. Can you tell where we're moving?)
And MORE books by himself. (What can I say? He likes books. He often goes and sits in his little seat with a book, it is SO precious.)
He enjoyed his first time dipping his little toes in a lake...
Being tossed by Daddy...
His first time on a slide...
My baby is already 1?!? (I promise, I WILL post pictures of the party.)
More bike riding...
...and an attempted photo shoot with a seriously awful lens. More to come on that one.
It's been a good summer.
P.S. If you feel so inclined to do so...please leave me a comment or text or e-mail me or SOMETHING sometimes! So I don't feel like I'm just babbling on and on to empty air. It's a surreal feeling and sometimes it's hard to post anything when it seems like no one reads it. :P
I haven't really taken much time to post lately, except for my little guy's birthday of course. I'm sorry to anyone else who noticed besides Bean and has been waiting for more. Frankly, not much is going on right now. Most of the time these days, I'm sitting around on the internet in my pj's for half the morning, occasionally getting up to remove tiny things from Micah's mouth, or to tell him "No touch," and discipline and remove him from the temptation, or to grab a book and read with him (see, I DO do something charming every once in a while!) all whilst telling myself I really should get up, get dressed, and do chores. Then I put Micah down for a nap and somehow justify that time as a time to relax, even though I've essentially done nothing. And then he wakes up, we eat, and then I look around the house and decide something REALLY needs to be done. Usually at this point, a half-hearted effort is made to do some chores and tidy up before Scott gets home. Once he's home, it's back to doing nothing, this time with him.
I know, this definitely doesn't paint a very good picture of me. (Which, speaking of pictures, I'm also sometimes tempted to give up on, since I cannot seem to improve anything when it comes to my picture skills, and it's frustrating to no end.) I think I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now. I've made lots of effort in the past to do things like exercise, eat healthy, keep the house looking nice, do something fun and productive with my precious son, take lots of pictures, think of new ways to spend time together as a family, come up with a schedule, etc. etc. I'm just feeling really tired of how tedious it can all get. I have hardly any motivation right now to do anything. I feel like I don't really even care about anything right now. I'm not sad, just...seriously apathetic. The sun has been shining for days, and I've made no effort to get outside and enjoy it. To top it all off, the one thing I actually AM trying to do in a certain type of ministry, I'm failing miserably at, and I'm seriously considering calling it quits, because God just does not seem to be holding the door open for me with it. I HAVE been cooking dinner most of the time, learning new recipes, and perfecting my skills at making a menu every week that's somewhat healthy and affordable. I have also been getting into the Word lately, and genuinely enjoying that time. But I know that I'm also being really idle a lot these days. And I know that's not what Jesus called me to do.
So, after the weekend, I want to start fresh. I plan on using the next few days to make a chore schedule that may actually be doable. I intend to start setting aside at least half an hour to sit down with Micah, and read books with him, or play with him, practice new skills with him, and just overall build an even better relationship with him. I want to continue spending quiet time with my God daily. I want to beat this sluggish body and discipline myself to approach the daily tasks I must do with energy and get them done in a timely manner. I also want to start at least disciplining myself to go on a walk every day with Micah, even if I'm not exercising in any other way. I also intend to create a list this weekend of things we can all do together when Scott is home, unplugged.
As I'm thinking about all this, I'm remembering something I heard not too long ago, that the wife is the one who sets the tone in the household. If she is happy, her husband and children tend to be as well. If she is frustrated and upset, her family will also be. I've started noticing that my laziness and the fact that I just don't care about anything right now appears to be affecting Scott too, even though he may not even realize it. I need to change this around. If you want, feel free to call, e-mail, or comment and help keep me accountable. I will try to update this every week and share what I've changed throughout the week.
And now, Micah just woke up. Time to feed him and maybe go for a walk. :)
Happy birthday to my darling little boy! I cannot believe you are a whole year old already! It truly seems like hardly any time has passed since people were exclaiming how tiny and new you were. It's incredible to me that a year ago today, I met you for the first time, heard your first cries (really, they were squalls. You were not happy for quite a while, and you had a lusty pair of lungs to express it!), felt the huge relief of suddenly not being pregnant anymore, and began the most wonderful, painful, joyful (all in one!) journey of growing with you.
Things I never want to forget...
How you laughed in your sleep the first day we brought you home, and often did until you were a few months old.
The sweet little squeaks you made.
The way you opened and closed you little mouth when you looked up at anything that caught your attention.
The way you would work your entire forehead up and down as you nursed. You still do sometimes when you drink your bottle.
Your obsession with any ceiling fan you see. Something you had since the first night home.
How still you used to get when you heard music. Now you start smiling and bobbing your head to it. Both equally adorable. :)
How easy you were to startle.
How every time you get excited, you kick your legs and flail your arms and hyperventilate, all with the biggest grin on your face.
The funny gurgling noise you make pretty much every time you make sound.
The first time you laughed.
The first time you rolled over.
The first attempt at crawling. You didn't really crawl for quite a while, but you got around and you looked like an inchworm when you did it.
The day you discovered how to really crawl.
The day you pulled yourself up.
Those incredible first couple of steps.
The night in the hospital after you were born that I realized how deeply I love you. It was night, and I woke up to a sweet, soft little whimper, then a gurgling noise. You spat up a little bit, something I'd never seen before from my brand new baby as a first time mom. You didn't fuss after, but I was instantly overcome with concern, and lifted you out of your bassinet, cleaned your little face up, and cleaned up the tiny puddle in the bassinet. I held you and really looked at you in the dim glow of early dawn coming through the window, and saw just how very small and helpless and fragile you were. Feelings I never knew could be so strong swept over me; I wanted to protect you, nourish you, hold you, and give you the very best that I possibly could of myself. It is a moment I remember often; the moment I first realized you were truly mine to love.
I have no more words to express how amazing this year has been with you, but perhaps this may help a little.
I love you baby boy, so very much more than I could EVER even say.
I really, really like my Vibrams. Among other, less vain reasons for such loyalty is that they make my giant, Gollum-like feet look like normal, human-sized feet.
