Dear. GRACIOUS. Hold me.

I am so stressed out right now. And procrastinating as I write this...again. Micah and I will be flying out of Alaska for good in 3 weeks and 6 days, and Scott will follow us a few days after that. Life with a toddler is pretty draining as it is, much as I love him. But now I have what feels like a mile-long list of things to get done before that time. And I AM NOT GETTING THEM DONE. At all. In fact, since Monday, I've been writing out lists of everything we need to remember, looking pathetically around the house, and then I sort of shut down and just block everything out of my brain and browse Pinterest and houses for rent in our next new area. It's a vicious cycle. I get up with purpose, feed us breakfast, figure out what needs to be done for the day at breakfast, get distracted with e-mail or the news, remind myself I have stuff to do, get up, see toys and other random objects strewn ALL OVER the house, Micah pulling MORE things out of the kitchen drawers, then my brain is assaulted with all the things that need to be done TODAY, and then I just want to break down again and ignore everything.

Care to see my to-do list today?

-Get us both dressed
-Make breakfast 
-Fervently wish that I could take a shower, but there's no way that's happening today
-Load up stray dishes, while Micah stands at the dishwasher and tries to unload them
-Wash pots and pans
-Sweep the floors so Micah doesn't eat anything off them
-Clean up the kitchen for later today, because I just cannot work in a dirty kitchen (It takes twice as long for me to cook anything in a messy kitchen.), and I still have to feed my family.
-Erase November and set the calendar up for December, sort out month to-do list on calendar
-Make a grocery menu for this week
-Work on grocery list
-Feed us lunch (oops, now I have to cheat on my diet because I don't have TIME to prep anything for lunch)
-Sit for an hour while attempting to feed Micah lunch; just decide to skip lunch myself, but scarf down a few crackers and marshmallows. We really need to go grocery shopping.
-Go grocery shopping after Micah's nap, trying not to listen to my hunger pangs and buy way more than I'd planned
-Put all the food away while looking longingly at it
-Practice a bunch of music for worship team on Sunday...lots of hymns and those are not my strong points
-Start the huge project of sorting through our kitchen and getting rid of as much junk as possible - something I SHOULD have started at the beginning of this week. I have a room or two assigned to each of these next three weeks, and I need to get them done within that time frame.
-Keep all the dangerous stuff out of Micah's reach (a task all by itself. Micah's already found a sharp BBQ fork to walk around the house with, and a bunch of batteries to suck on. *sigh*.)
-Keep washing and drying loads of laundry, 2 more to go!
-Fold the ever growing pile of clean laundry on the couch so Micah quits throwing it all over the living room
-Put away folded clothes so Micah doesn't undo all the work I just did
-Make dinner while keeping Micah out from underfoot, continue to tell him to please stop whining and that I cannot hold him right now
-Wash the pots and pans again
-Load up the stray dishes...again (or just leave them there for tomorrow's to-do)
-Keep working on kitchen sorting project after Micah goes to bed
-Give Scott assistance at times while he makes two triple bunk beds for someone...a project we must finish before we pack out.
-Give up all hope of ever getting anything done, go around the house and document the mess with pictures, and rant on the blog about how stressed I am and I'm not doing anything.
-Freak out because I just discovered I have reached my limit of pictures I can upload on Google...so no more pictures for a while until I have the time to figure out how to get rid of really old pictures.
-Figure out how much I need to clean the house tomorrow for company tomorrow night
-Figure out what to feed said company

This may not look like a huge list, but I have to do it all while Micah whines at me to be picked up, tries to play with me, finds dangerous objects to play with if my back is turned for one moment, finds MORE things to scatter around the floor for me to pick up, needs diaper changes periodically, often follows me around and undoes work I JUST DID, and it is now 1:12 pm and all I have managed to accomplish is feeding Micah breakfast and lunch, getting him dressed (I don't have any clean clothes yet...so yeah. Still not dressed.), and making a dinner menu for only half the week, and writing down a few grocery items we'll need. Not to mention the fact that EVERY DAY is like this right now, just wait 'til I share with you my to-do list for this MONTH! Oh, and because there's so much for this month to accomplish, I also have all of THOSE things in the back of my mind as I'm feebly trying (and failing) to get other things done for just one day.

And now Micah's down for a nap. Guess I'd better get to that laundry. And maybe get dressed.

*sigh*

Home Again

It's been a LONG day of driving, but we're finally home from a short trip to Anchorage. Micah did pretty well, at least!

The Proof of Your Love

I REALLY like this song. A lot. It's been stuck in my head for a few days, so I figured I'd just share it. Enjoy!

He is BEAUTIFUL.

Look, look! Isn't He a BEAUTIFUL Creator?

Psalm 19:1 - The heavens declare the glory of God;
                        the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
                       

Orphans and Widows

(All photos taken by Jenny Triplett from my trip to Malawi in 2006)

James 1:27 - Religion that our God and Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

Jeremiah 5:26-29 - Among my people are the wicked 
                                 who lie in wait like men who snare birds
                                 and like those who set traps to catch people.
                               Like cages full of birds,
                                 their houses are full of deceit;
                               they have become rich and powerful
                                 and have grown fat and sleek.
                               Their evils deeds have no limit;
                                 they do not seek justice.
                               They do not promote the case of the fatherless;
                                 they do not defend the just cause of the poor.
                               "Should I not punish them for this?"
                                 declares the Lord. 

                               "Should I not avenge myself
                                  on such a nation as this?" 

Proverbs 21:13 - Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor will also cry out and not be answered. 

Isaiah 1:17 - Learn to do right; seek justice.
                       Defend the oppressed. 
                     Take up the cause of the fatherless;
                       Plead the case of the widow. 


Proverbs 31:20 - She opens her arms to the poor, and extends her hands to the needy. 

Isaiah 58:6-7 - Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
                       to loose the chains of injustice
                         and untie the cords of the yoke,
                       to set the oppressed free
                           and break every yoke?
                       Is it not to share your food with the hungry
                         and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - 
                       when you see the naked, to clothe them, 
                         and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? 

Jeremiah 22:16 - He defended the cause of the poor and needy, 
                               and so all went well.
                            "Is that not what it means to know me?"
                                 declares the Lord. 

Luke 16:19 - 31 - "There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 

The time came when the beggar died, and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died, and was buried. In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, "Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire."

But Abraham replied, "Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us."

He answered, "Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment." 

Abraham replied, "They have Moses and the prophets; let them listen to them."

"No, father Abraham," he said, "but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent."

He said to him, "If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, they will not be convinced, even if someone rises from the dead."  

Matthew 25:34-46 - Then the King will say to those on his right, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invited you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"

The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

Then he will say to those on his left, "Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me." 

They also will answer, "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?

He will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the the least of these, you did not do for me." 

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.

This is the outpouring of my biggest conviction this week onto everyone else. Something I've been pondering and processing a lot this week. I am not trying to rebuke anyone or preach, I just find it so much better to work through things by writing them down, and hopefully, some of you may have some wisdom to share with me as well. I've been growing so much lately in my walk with the Lord, and sometimes, conviction hits pretty heavy, though my joy has been so much fuller these days. I suppose that's just how things work. :)

I've had so many questions running through my mind as I've contemplated these verses. The ones that disturb me the most are the fears that perhaps I'm just being my usual dramatic self. I am going to be completely candid here. Those of you that know me, probably know I DO have a tendency toward the dramatic. Am I overreacting to all this? Or is God truly convicting me, and I'm feeling the weight of it? I'm so afraid I'm just TRYING to be all spiritual and mature but my heart is really just deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Sometimes I feel like I'm pretending to have a good relationship with God. I'm such a twisted, tangled mess.

The other part that bothers me is that I feel powerless to do anything about this conviction. Sure, there are some things that I can do around here. We can go help at the Rescue Mission in Fairbanks, which we already sort of do. We could definitely do more with that if we chose. We can make bags that contain things like thick socks, tiny Bibles, booklets of vouchers for McDonald's, snacks, to give to people we see standing on the side of the road with signs asking for food. We can open up our home to people, to anyone in need and show hospitality to the Body. We can sponsor a child (which we are doing), or sponsor several children. The problem is this: we have done most of these things, and they either feel like we're not doing much at all, or we are refused and people just don't want help. So I feel very stuck.

I am longing to help the truly needy. I am burning inside to go show love to the people who really need it. I don't want to just throw money at them, I want to drop everything I am doing, sell all of my possessions, and go to a third-world country where the people are truly desperate. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to be used. But I can't, not in this way. I have a family to take care of, who for the moment, are unable to go with me and serve. I can't leave them. I do believe that God has me right here, and it's for a reason. I just don't understand. WHY?

The only thing right now that I can think to do is to use these desires and to pour them out to Jesus, and let Him use them how He will. Perhaps they can help me to be more patient with the little one God has blessed me with, maybe they can help me to serve my husband to the best of my ability and to do it joyfully. Maybe I can use them to wipe a little nose without complaint, hold my son when he is sad, exercise extreme patience when he throws tantrums and whines at me all day. Maybe they are there to write letters to the little boy we're sponsoring and pour out love to him, maybe to sponsor more children and show our love to them as well.

God...my heart is crying out! Here I am...please...send me. But if that is not Your will, please take these passions and yearnings and tears, and use them how YOU want them, not how I want. Please form my desires into Yours. I love you. Your will be done.

Fun with Fridays!

I have even MORE pictures to post of our Fairy Godmother, because I kind of like her. Also I want to show off. Just a little bit. (Though, most the credit should go to Tyler and Hannah since I was using their lens, listening to their advice, etc.) but I CAN take credit for pushing the button! And for editing of course.

Anyway...

(P.S. How do you like the new layout? Please give me feedback and let me know what you like/dislike about it. Thanks!)

Micah's Fairy Godmother

So, it's official. Scott and I have come to an agreement. Our dear friend, Breanne Peterson, is Micah's Fairy Godmother. Frankly...it was not that tough a decision. ;-)

She's Pretty!

I stumbled across these today in Lightroom that I took on my last trip to WA, while editing some other pictures I'll hopefully be sharing soon. I enjoyed taking them, and playing around with the fancy equipment.  :-)

(Yes these look the same almost. I couldn't decide between the two.)

Thanks again for the lessons, Hannah and Tyler! I hope there will be more! :-)

We Like Stickers!

The best part about voting! Though I suppose I could just go out and buy some instead of waiting four more years. Hm. 

'Twas the Night Before the Election...

This is just a reminder to all my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ: God is in control. That's it. That's all I have to say. It doesn't matter who wins this election, because God knows. We as believers should definitely take the opportunity given us to prayerfully cast our vote and perhaps even make a difference. But in the end...His will be done.

My Little Helper

THIS is where it gets really exciting! When your 15-month-old starts helping with the chores. :-D

Well, sort of...

Mmmm...

Yogurt and food coloring? Bring it on!

Thank you for your inquiry...

*sigh*...I am sad. *my pale hand delicately raises itself to my brow...* *...swoon...*

Here is Colgate's response to the letter I e-mailed them yesterday:


Dear Mrs. Mathews:

Thank you for contacting us. We're glad that you had the opportunity to try Speed Stick Power Fresh Scent Antiperspirant.

Speed Stick Fresh Scent Antiperspirant has been reformulated and only the most current formulation is being manufactured. We do not maintain a supply of the "old" formula and, therefore, cannot send it to you directly.

Our company continues to research and test all our products even if they have been on the market for years. These tests guarantee that the performance, manufacturing and consumer satisfaction ratings meet the highest standards of excellence. This constant evaluation allows us to make decisions about whether or not to make minor formula or packaging changes. Our goal is to manufacture and market products that meet consumer needs for convenience, value and outstanding performance.

As part of our Consumer Satisfaction Policy, we are sending coupons to your postal address.  We hope you will be satisfied with the next Colgate product you buy.

Sincerely,

H.H.


My interpretation:

Dear Insane Person, 

We are awesome. Our products are awesome. So here are some coupons so you can go buy our awesome products. 

Peace out,
Colgate 


At least I get coupons. I suppose.