'Twas the Night OF Christmas...

...and I am currently undergoing a brain explosion.

I am so incredibly stressed. So stressed, that Scott had to hold me earlier as I sobbed and told him it was simply all the bottled up stress coming out. It was a relief to just let the tears flow for a little while. And I am sad. It has finally sunk in that I am leaving, for good. Leaving the place we got married, leaving the first home I had with my love, leaving the place we had our precious firstborn, and the worst of it: leaving some very dear friends behind. We won't share our lives together anymore.

In spite of all this, I am also excited. Subdued excitement for now, but it is there. I can hardly believe I am finally about to be in much warmer weather, and DAYLIGHT. It is unbelievable to me that I am about to live in such a beautiful place, surrounded by actual stores, restaurants, parks - anything we can think of really.

I praise God for all of this. For the huge blessings that are headed our way, and indeed, are already there. I am praising Him through the really difficult things too. I know that He cares deeply about me, and I will cling to Him and let Him guide us on this new chapter in our lives.

Now, let's just hope I can keep it together long enough to board a plane tomorrow with Micah, and fly away into a new unknown.

After some visiting first. Of course. ;)

It's Work-Out Time!

In my struggle against the darkness that pervades this land, or in less dramatic terms - lack of sunlight - I've tried to start exercising again in attempts at picking myself up from the slump I'm in and get more energy. But I had a problem: the Insanity work-outs we have are FAR above my abilities, Netflix no longer has the work-out shows they were previously streaming, Youtube is rather difficult to pick through to find something good, the base gym is most definitely not a regular option, and I was rather at a loss what to do. Until tonight. I had a stroke of copying other workouts I've seen genius, and behold! Here is the result. (Note: requires the help of a spouse or someone who lives in your house. Just make sure they have the ability to show some degree of mercy.)

Zelda Workout

1. Run in place when Link runs
2. Knee highs or butt kicks when Link talks to a character
3. Do jumping jacks during fights
4. 1 burpee when an enemy is killed
5. 4 kickbox punches when a rupee/heart/item is collected
6. 2 crunches every time Link rolls
7. Mountain climbers while Link climbs a ladder or vines
8. Log jumps when Link rides a horse or other creatures
9. 5 push-ups when Link opens something
10. 10 lunges when a female smiles/giggles at Link
11. 10 burpees if Link dies
12. For bosses - a combination of all of these, depending on how the boss is fought

And...that's it! I definitely broke a sweat while doing this, so I consider it a success!

He is WONDERFUL.

When Micah falls down and hurts himself, my heart cries right along with him. Sometimes tears will even prick the backs of my eyes, even though I know he is just fine, and in five minutes, he'll be running around again, almost as good as new. Except for the egg on his head. Despite that knowledge, I have a fierce urge to scoop him up and rock him gently as he rests in my arms and sobs. Eventually, the tears stop flowing, and he just lays there, both of us soaking up each other's closeness.

Things have been difficult these past few weeks. I am about to be thrust in the midst of huge upheaval for myself and my little family, about to say goodbye to some very dear friends and fellowship, I believe I am battling physical depression right now (I know it's because of the lack of sunlight but that doesn't really make it any easier), and there are some things going on right now that are making me struggle with just plain sadness. At church this week, there were moments where I just wanted to sit down and burst into tears. As the second service began, I was struck with a realization. I do believe that I AM trusting in God with what's going on. But trusting in Him doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel sadness sometimes. Granted, there is a point at which you must question whether or not you really are trusting. But letting the tears fall sometimes is not a bad thing. It hurts to die to the things that you have long hoped for, to lose something that is precious to you.

Not only do I believe I'm allowed to grieve sometimes, I also firmly believe that God can grieve with us, just as we can feel sadness with our children when they are hurting. He knows me. He understands me more intimately than anyone else. Jesus wept when Lazarus died, and yet I'm fairly certain he knew that he would raise Lazarus from the dead. God knows what will happen to me, He knows that I will be just fine. But I think that He can be still with me for just a moment, and hurt with me. I am allowed to run to His arms and cry out to Him. We all are, because of Christ.

And just being certain of that has given me peace beyond measure, my heart is overflowing with gratefulness and true JOY, to have a God who is willing to reach down to pick me up, and let me rest in Him.

Redesign...again

Ok, so I suppose that last blog design didn't work for most of you. I forgot, everyone has smart phones now. It looked good on my computer. :P So here's almost the same design as before, with a few updates here and there. Please let me know if it works better!

Ahhh...

Scott and I went to bed at 8:30 last night. On a Friday night. And we both fell asleep pretty quick. So I got 12 hours of sleep last night. Ahhh rest. That was wonderful. We should do that more often. :)

Oh...sun...

Something hit me this morning. I don't remember the last time I saw the sun...already. I have been stuck indoors now for the last 4 days during the little daylight we have, because we still only have one working car. The sun gets just above the horizon now before it sets, we have tall trees clustered all around our backyard and front, and I have not seen even one golden beam shooting into either yard in quite a while. I am feeling quite irrationally depressed. Over pretty much everything. Some big things, some so silly you may think I'm insane if I share. I keep pathetically browsing the duplexes and apartments in our soon-to-be new state, looking at pictures of the ones that have the most windows. The ones that have the most beautiful windows and the most and biggest are out of our price range. And then I almost cry. Then I look at pictures of tropical places, scheming with my two dear friends out here (who are also both depressed) about hopping a flight to Hawaii for a week. I also am having a terribly difficult time being motivated to do ANYTHING except for those few things I just mentioned. Even though I have a lot to get done.

BUT...I do know that I only have a mere 2 weeks and 6 days before I am out of this place for good, I keep trying to remind myself. And then I will see sunshine again. And it will be good.

*sigh*

Aaaaand now both our cars are dead. Because of the cold. So much for a date night tonight.

BRRRR.

So, yeah.  It's -41 today. Scott and I just spent a half hour freezing our TAILS off trying to get the Subaru in the garage. Because it won't start until it gets thawed. Thank God for a wonderful neighbor, he came outside and saw what was going on, and promptly began to help, and I was allowed to go back inside to thaw out.

I am SO looking forward to living in a warmer place.

A tiny update...then back to work!

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I'm more calm now. Still not much time to blog, but I didn't want to leave you all hanging. I definitely didn't get everything done, and most likely won't, but I know we'll survive. And I even did ok at praise team today at church - despite the terrible lack of practice I was able to accomplish - though I did accidentally start playing the melody of the last song in the WRONG KEY. As the intro. And the leader had to stop me and say, "Are...you in the right key there, sister?" At which point I laughed, shook my head, proclaimed, "Uhhhh...nope!" the congregation laughed, and we moved on. Oh well.

Hope you all had a good week!