It's almost midnight, and I am still awake...again. Another attack. I'm not in as much pain as on Sunday, but it's enough to keep me awake. Earlier this evening, I was in tears again because this... sickness makes me feel so very alone and afraid of everything that could be happening to me, and I'm just... afraid. I want very much to go to the ER again because I sort of feel like that's the only way I can get any relief or comfort, but I know they'll just send me home again to wait for my ultrasound on Thursday. *sigh*.
Anyway, I'm desperately clinging now to God, praying for peace, safety, all that good stuff. But I am agonized that I'm not closer to Him. What if He decided to use this to take me away? I think part of me is terrified because I feel like I'm facing a possible end sometimes. Am I ready to die? I don't think I am. I still struggle with even getting into the Word on a regular basis, I go some periods where I am constantly talking to Him, and some where I hardly think of Him at all. I am wretched and sinful and I am not ready to meet Him face to face. That prospect is even more terrifying than the horrible pain I've been going through this week. I'm very much hoping that He is putting me through this to teach me these things so I can stop being a "lukewarm Christian" (I rather think that's an oxymoron) and start living my life truly and completely for Him.
All this to say, that as I'm sitting here in the dark, alone, in pain, to distract myself from it all I started reading in Matthew, and came across the explanation Jesus gives about the parable of the seeds, and this verse in particular caught my eye (Matthew 13:22):
22 "The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced."
It has really got me thinking and I figured I'd share. We are definitely wealthy compared to a lot of the world. And I've had lots of cares lately, especially with a new baby to take care of, and now all these health problems from which I very badly want to escape. Am I the seed among the thorns? Am I letting myself be carried away by all these problems in life? Have I been lured by wealth and luxury, paying too much attention to material and relational things rather than my God? It is so hard to see this. I'm certain I'm failing miserably in all these areas. I praise God that He seems to be disciplining me, because I know the Lord disciplines those He loves, but it's still really hard. I'm so tired of being in pain. But I pray that I will continue to praise Him no matter how much harder it gets, and that I will truly learn and actually ACT upon this knowledge to live my life completely and truly for HIM. Because He is the only reason WORTH living for.
Just some thoughts I'm having, and I hope maybe it'll help someone at least. Or maybe I just want to make people feel sorry for me because I'm in so much pain. Or maybe I'm trying to sound all righteous and Christian-y. I sure hope that's not the deeper motive here. In this case I don't think it is. I think I may actually be learning a lesson.
Anyway, time to go back to reading, and hope very much the pain recedes enough for me to get SOME sleep before Micah wakes up...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A prayer request: Update
So, here's a follow up on the prayer request I posted a while back.
I most likely DO have gallstones. I'm having more and more attacks, ended up in the ER Sunday night because I was in excruciating pain, nothing would help. I was told to eat a completely non-fat diet, and I've done that so far (although I was STARVING yesterday) and now I feel like I may have another attack going on or trying to start. I am so miserable. This pain is almost as bad as labor, not even kidding. Except nothing good comes of it and I don't get any breaks. And after a bunch of searching online, I discovered that a LOT of people gain a lot of weight after gallbladder removal, a lot of them exercise 5 times a week, eat no fat at all, lots of fruit and veggies, and either still kept gaining or never lost a pound. To me, this would also be nightmarish. I seriously feel like it'd be the end of the world for me if I was stuck being over weight the rest of my life. I can hardly bear the idea, I keep wanting to cry every time I think about it, which is a lot. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being absolutely tortured every time this pain starts happening again. I don't have an ultrasound until Thursday, so even though I desperately don't want it removed, I very badly want them to move along quickly because this pain is not going away. I can't enjoy my baby, it's hard to even take care of him, I am absolutely miserable. Please pray for me. :(
I most likely DO have gallstones. I'm having more and more attacks, ended up in the ER Sunday night because I was in excruciating pain, nothing would help. I was told to eat a completely non-fat diet, and I've done that so far (although I was STARVING yesterday) and now I feel like I may have another attack going on or trying to start. I am so miserable. This pain is almost as bad as labor, not even kidding. Except nothing good comes of it and I don't get any breaks. And after a bunch of searching online, I discovered that a LOT of people gain a lot of weight after gallbladder removal, a lot of them exercise 5 times a week, eat no fat at all, lots of fruit and veggies, and either still kept gaining or never lost a pound. To me, this would also be nightmarish. I seriously feel like it'd be the end of the world for me if I was stuck being over weight the rest of my life. I can hardly bear the idea, I keep wanting to cry every time I think about it, which is a lot. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being absolutely tortured every time this pain starts happening again. I don't have an ultrasound until Thursday, so even though I desperately don't want it removed, I very badly want them to move along quickly because this pain is not going away. I can't enjoy my baby, it's hard to even take care of him, I am absolutely miserable. Please pray for me. :(
Friday, October 21, 2011
Moose tracks? And a fancy date.
I took Micah to the clinic yesterday for his two month check-up and shots. It was really early in the morning (for us), so keep in mind that I was still pretty tired and bleary eyed, and it was dark outside still. When I opened the garage door, I saw very clear tracks in the snow. I was instantly awake, inspecting the tracks after I'd put Micah in the car, and very, very excited. Because I thought they were moose tracks. It was thrilling to think a moose had walked through our front yard! When we got home later, I took some pictures, googled "moose tracks" in images, and found a lot of tracks on google that looked very similar. So I concluded that they were, in fact, moose tracks.
But then when I told Scott, he looked at the pictures and said they were rabbit tracks. We went outside to look again, and Scott found little bunny toes inside the tracks. So it must've been our rabbit. How disappointing. Oh well.
The appointment went well, my baby boy now weighs a whopping 12 lbs, 7 oz! And he's 24 inches long! So crazy. It was rather comical when they got these measurements. He had to be weighed with no clothes or diaper, so I think they deserved what they got. When I took the diaper off, it was dirty, so I wiped him down and threw the diaper away. No sooner had I thrown it away, I turned around and a fountain was springing on high, wetting EVERYTHING. Including himself. When he was finished, he was all wet, and there was a huge wet puddle surrounding him. So again, I pulled out the wipes, and wiped him down, pretty much all over. Then we picked him up, the assistant pulled the paper off the scale, threw it away, and put some fresh, clean paper down, and we laid him back down. No sooner had we done THIS, he proceeded to spit up what looked like his entire previous meal...ALL over the place. He got the whole back of his head wet with the stuff, his neck, shoulders, and again left a big wet puddle, this time around his head and shoulders. So, needless to say, lots of cleaning up was involved with weighing and measuring him.
They also had to give him four immunizations. Three shots, and one was something he drank. Poor baby, my heart hurts for him when he's screaming in pain. :( They told me he'd be grumpy for the next few days, but he's actually been pretty happy. Just really sleepy. He slept 11 hours straight last night! Good for him, but bad for me... I kept waking up wondering if he was ok, and also, not nursing for 11 hours makes things rather uncomfortable for me. But I'm glad he doesn't seem to be in much pain.
And now for the fancy date part. Last night was great! For the first time since Micah was born, we went on a date. And this was our first FANCY date. We got a babysitter, and Scott bought tickets to the Fairbanks City Food Sampler at the Westmark Hotel. A bunch of really nice restaurants came in and cooked, and we all got little plates and wine glasses, and just walked around to whatever table we desired, and got samples of that particular restaurant's food. It was great. It was kind of strange since we were standing up the entire time as we ate (they had these tables at which you could eat...but no chairs. They were at chest height.)
We tried a lot of amazing things, including some margarita chicken, cornbread topped with jambalaya, little pulled pork sandwiches, and the strangest of all: cinnamon french toast topped with chocolate chip chipotle ice cream (yes, SPICY ice cream...) and apple compote. It was really good, but really strange. I've never had ice cream before that has such a bite to it. That was compliments of the UAF Culinary Arts and Hospitality school. Everything we tried was really good. Although, since it was all from such different restaurants, it was interesting having such different food items for a meal. In Scott's words, it was "a gastrointestinal blitzkrieg." But it was worth it. There was also a live jazz band playing a lot of excellent songs, and it was fun getting to dress up a bit and be out and about with my best friend and not have to watch the baby. Although after we were done eating, we weren't sure what to do, so Scott suggested we walk around the room and point at things. Which we did. Haha. All in all, it was a wonderful evening. We had a bit of time afterwards, so we went to Barnes and Noble and got some tea, and walked around looking at books. I felt so sophisticated. :)
As we were driving home with Micah in tow, the Northern lights came out. Such a great end to a great evening.
Oh, and I thought that would be a good end to this post, but I just remembered one more thing that happened after we got home, and I just have to share. Micah fell asleep with his eyes open. I'm not even kidding. He HAD to have been asleep. It was slightly scary because he looked dead. At least he was dead to the world. His eyes were WIDE open, but nothing we did actually woke him up. We even got a picture of it, with a really bright flash, and he barely reacted to the flash. The picture is of course, not very good quality, but we found it hilarious, so I'm posting it. Enjoy!
But then when I told Scott, he looked at the pictures and said they were rabbit tracks. We went outside to look again, and Scott found little bunny toes inside the tracks. So it must've been our rabbit. How disappointing. Oh well.
The appointment went well, my baby boy now weighs a whopping 12 lbs, 7 oz! And he's 24 inches long! So crazy. It was rather comical when they got these measurements. He had to be weighed with no clothes or diaper, so I think they deserved what they got. When I took the diaper off, it was dirty, so I wiped him down and threw the diaper away. No sooner had I thrown it away, I turned around and a fountain was springing on high, wetting EVERYTHING. Including himself. When he was finished, he was all wet, and there was a huge wet puddle surrounding him. So again, I pulled out the wipes, and wiped him down, pretty much all over. Then we picked him up, the assistant pulled the paper off the scale, threw it away, and put some fresh, clean paper down, and we laid him back down. No sooner had we done THIS, he proceeded to spit up what looked like his entire previous meal...ALL over the place. He got the whole back of his head wet with the stuff, his neck, shoulders, and again left a big wet puddle, this time around his head and shoulders. So, needless to say, lots of cleaning up was involved with weighing and measuring him.
They also had to give him four immunizations. Three shots, and one was something he drank. Poor baby, my heart hurts for him when he's screaming in pain. :( They told me he'd be grumpy for the next few days, but he's actually been pretty happy. Just really sleepy. He slept 11 hours straight last night! Good for him, but bad for me... I kept waking up wondering if he was ok, and also, not nursing for 11 hours makes things rather uncomfortable for me. But I'm glad he doesn't seem to be in much pain.
And now for the fancy date part. Last night was great! For the first time since Micah was born, we went on a date. And this was our first FANCY date. We got a babysitter, and Scott bought tickets to the Fairbanks City Food Sampler at the Westmark Hotel. A bunch of really nice restaurants came in and cooked, and we all got little plates and wine glasses, and just walked around to whatever table we desired, and got samples of that particular restaurant's food. It was great. It was kind of strange since we were standing up the entire time as we ate (they had these tables at which you could eat...but no chairs. They were at chest height.)
We tried a lot of amazing things, including some margarita chicken, cornbread topped with jambalaya, little pulled pork sandwiches, and the strangest of all: cinnamon french toast topped with chocolate chip chipotle ice cream (yes, SPICY ice cream...) and apple compote. It was really good, but really strange. I've never had ice cream before that has such a bite to it. That was compliments of the UAF Culinary Arts and Hospitality school. Everything we tried was really good. Although, since it was all from such different restaurants, it was interesting having such different food items for a meal. In Scott's words, it was "a gastrointestinal blitzkrieg." But it was worth it. There was also a live jazz band playing a lot of excellent songs, and it was fun getting to dress up a bit and be out and about with my best friend and not have to watch the baby. Although after we were done eating, we weren't sure what to do, so Scott suggested we walk around the room and point at things. Which we did. Haha. All in all, it was a wonderful evening. We had a bit of time afterwards, so we went to Barnes and Noble and got some tea, and walked around looking at books. I felt so sophisticated. :)
As we were driving home with Micah in tow, the Northern lights came out. Such a great end to a great evening.
Oh, and I thought that would be a good end to this post, but I just remembered one more thing that happened after we got home, and I just have to share. Micah fell asleep with his eyes open. I'm not even kidding. He HAD to have been asleep. It was slightly scary because he looked dead. At least he was dead to the world. His eyes were WIDE open, but nothing we did actually woke him up. We even got a picture of it, with a really bright flash, and he barely reacted to the flash. The picture is of course, not very good quality, but we found it hilarious, so I'm posting it. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Catching up...in pictures.
Finally! A moment with Micah asleep, Scott isn't using this computer, and I can afford to indulge in a little free time today. So here are a few pictures to catch up.
This is what we woke up to on Sunday morning. You can't really see the snow in the first shot, because Scott's grill was on the porch and taking up most of a clear shot to the backyard, plus there's this ugly post in our backyard that wouldn't really make a good subject. So I was kinda stuck shooting up into the trees. I like that I got the moon at least.
And a couple better shots after I moved the silly grill.
This is what we woke up to on Sunday morning. You can't really see the snow in the first shot, because Scott's grill was on the porch and taking up most of a clear shot to the backyard, plus there's this ugly post in our backyard that wouldn't really make a good subject. So I was kinda stuck shooting up into the trees. I like that I got the moon at least.
And a couple better shots after I moved the silly grill.
Of course I had to include my baby. I have this rather biased opinion that any picture is better with him in it. :)
It snowed again last night and everything looks much whiter now than it did before. We probably have a good two inches out there now. Very pretty... right now. It's not going to be so nice anymore when it's March and there's no sign of the snow being gone at all.
Yesterday was a good day. Micah only woke up once (same as last night!) and a friend of mine with whom I am getting better acquainted had a birthday, so we celebrated by going out to lunch at this amazing Thai restaurant in town. Afterwards, we spent a cozy afternoon at my house looking up youtube videos to share our favorite music with each other, and talking about anything and everything. I really enjoy her company, she's a very sweet, godly young lady, and a mom herself of a nine month old baby. She grew up in Spain since her parents were missionaries, and she is a ballet dancer and knows how to speak French. Also, I discovered she loves listening to the radio station out here that plays classical music and NPR (as do I). I feel so refined when I spend time with her. I guess I kind of wish sometimes that I was that classy, so it's fun to pretend I am for a while, as I sort of live vicariously through her when I learn more about her life. But I wouldn't trade lives, I definitely am grateful for where I am now, and for my little family. That beats everything. I hope very much to get to know her better still, and to enjoy true fellowship with her, since she is not afraid of challenging others and being challenged herself in our spiritual walks.
And on a completely different topic... I am getting more and more flustered with the pictures I take. I can't wait 'til I can capture great shots and do it quickly. 'Cause the best facial expressions, gestures, positions, etc. all happen in a split second, and the lighting is usually awful, and the pictures are sometimes a bit blurry, and I'm not good at getting them with the perfect settings. But I'm determined to get better. I hate posting pictures on here that I don't really consider very good, but these are all capturing every day life around here, even if they're not the best quality.
Now my boy is awake, there is a fridge to be cleaned out, a happy baby to play with, floors to be swept (AGAIN), a car to clean out, a bed to be made, ANOTHER load of laundry to be done, and on and on the list goes. So I leave you with a couple of smiles. :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
Silly stuff. And snow.
It's been a productive day! Except for this morning. I had an appointment scheduled to be seen for the stuff I posted about a few days ago, but it was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning. Which meant leaving at 7:50. Which is hard to do with a baby waking you up during the night. You see where this is going. I didn't make it. I had my alarm set for 7:00, Micah woke me up at 6:00 to eat, and then I went back to bed and slept for another half hour before the alarm went off. I was a total idiot and turned the alarm OFF instead of SNOOZING it. My reasoning?
"Oh, I don't have much time, I need to get up, not snooze it again."
And then I promptly fell back to sleep. Fast forward to 8:15, I wake up, delirious, and wondering if there is something important I should be doing...
"NOOOO!" the inside of my head screams, "IT'S 8:15! You IDIOT!"
So I proceeded to scramble to throw some clothes on, grab the baby, change him with frantic apologies about how I couldn't feed him right away (which he cooed at so I think the apology was accepted), got him strapped in his car-seat and drove off. And it was snowing hard. I was careful getting there, but as soon as I was parked, I jumped out of the car, ran to the other side to grab Micah and...
No!! The car-seat won't fit! (It was parked too close to the car. Because the OTHER car was really sloppily parked.)
I shut the door, ran back around, and pulled his car seat out from the other side. Then I walked quickly inside, and got there 15 minutes late. Apparently they call it a "no-show" when you're 10 minutes late. So much for all that. *sigh*.
But the rest of the day was good. The house was a disaster, and it was snowing and looked so beautiful, and that always inspires me to clean up so it's all nice and cozy inside. Snow outside is a great natural decoration when all the curtains are open.
Here's what I actually got done:
Three loads of laundry! Washed, dryed, folded, AND put away!
Unloaded the dishes
Loaded the dishes
Ran the dishwasher
Washed the pots and pans
Tidied up around the house
Swept
Cleaned up our room
And even made the bed!
All this while feeding Micah, burping him, changing him, playing with him...over and over and over again. I'd say it was a good, productive day. And the house looks much better. Oh, and smells better. :P
Oh, and I have one more funny story from the other day, for those of you who didn't see my post on Google+.
Scott was gassing up the car Sunday afternoon, and Micah started getting a bit fussy. Scott opened the car door where Micah was, and said,
"What's up, Speedo?" Completely baffled, I questioned what he meant by that. His reply?
"Yeah, speedo; because he's tiny and looks rather uncomfortable."
Haha. I love my family. :)
Oh, and I have pictures to post, but I've not had a chance all day to get to the main computer so I can upload them off my camera. Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow.
"Oh, I don't have much time, I need to get up, not snooze it again."
And then I promptly fell back to sleep. Fast forward to 8:15, I wake up, delirious, and wondering if there is something important I should be doing...
"NOOOO!" the inside of my head screams, "IT'S 8:15! You IDIOT!"
So I proceeded to scramble to throw some clothes on, grab the baby, change him with frantic apologies about how I couldn't feed him right away (which he cooed at so I think the apology was accepted), got him strapped in his car-seat and drove off. And it was snowing hard. I was careful getting there, but as soon as I was parked, I jumped out of the car, ran to the other side to grab Micah and...
No!! The car-seat won't fit! (It was parked too close to the car. Because the OTHER car was really sloppily parked.)
I shut the door, ran back around, and pulled his car seat out from the other side. Then I walked quickly inside, and got there 15 minutes late. Apparently they call it a "no-show" when you're 10 minutes late. So much for all that. *sigh*.
But the rest of the day was good. The house was a disaster, and it was snowing and looked so beautiful, and that always inspires me to clean up so it's all nice and cozy inside. Snow outside is a great natural decoration when all the curtains are open.
Here's what I actually got done:
Three loads of laundry! Washed, dryed, folded, AND put away!
Unloaded the dishes
Loaded the dishes
Ran the dishwasher
Washed the pots and pans
Tidied up around the house
Swept
Cleaned up our room
And even made the bed!
All this while feeding Micah, burping him, changing him, playing with him...over and over and over again. I'd say it was a good, productive day. And the house looks much better. Oh, and smells better. :P
Oh, and I have one more funny story from the other day, for those of you who didn't see my post on Google+.
Scott was gassing up the car Sunday afternoon, and Micah started getting a bit fussy. Scott opened the car door where Micah was, and said,
"What's up, Speedo?" Completely baffled, I questioned what he meant by that. His reply?
"Yeah, speedo; because he's tiny and looks rather uncomfortable."
Haha. I love my family. :)
Oh, and I have pictures to post, but I've not had a chance all day to get to the main computer so I can upload them off my camera. Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A prayer request
So, this'll be a boring post but I'm hoping you read it and keep me in your prayers. I'll try to post some more interesting things later. :)
For the past several weeks, I've been having what seems like stomach problems, always at night when I'm trying to sleep, so it's rather frustrating because when it flares up I CANNOT sleep. And I NEED sleep in the worst way. The symptoms were rather strange, nothing I've ever felt before (my upper abdomen and my upper back both intensely hurt at the same time, and the pain is a weird one), and I didn't think a doctor would be helpful at all. But really early this morning during a really painful attack, to distract myself and desperate to come up with an answer, I did some different research online and found something that EXACTLY matched my symptoms. It may be a gallbladder problem. That's probably way more than you all wanted to know. :P I called the Eielson clinic and set up an appointment for Monday, and a nurse talked to me and said that sure enough, it does sound like a gallbladder problem.
The bigger problem is that I really don't trust doctors anymore. I mean really. I'm borderline psychotic about them now I think. I'm afraid they're going to decide that if I have stones or something, the only way to "cure" me would be to give me invasive surgery and remove it altogether. Something I really don't think is the best option. But doctors these days seem to be more concerned about money and convenience for themselves than about the actual patients, and of course, people listen to them because, well, they're the "expert." And I'm finding myself disagreeing with how they do things more and more, whether they're handling my child or me. But I was in so much pain this morning, I didn't know what else to do but to make an appointment with a doctor. At least they'll be sticking needles in ME and not in my poor son (this might not make sense to some of you, so to clarify, Micah was hospitalized a while back for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And had 6 IV's and a spinal tap.) So I guess the big prayer request is, please pray that everything is ok with me, and that I don't really have anything that would require surgery. Also, please pray that Scott and I have wisdom whatever happens at this appointment. I am thoroughly sick and tired of doctors and clinics and hospitals.
And one more thing, please pray that I don't have another flare up before Monday, they're getting really bad and I still have to take care of Micah and it is SO hard to do that when I am in pain. Anyway, thanks for reading, it's a relief to kind of get that off my mind. Perhaps I will be able to post some happier things and pictures later on. :) But if not, have a wonderful weekend!
For the past several weeks, I've been having what seems like stomach problems, always at night when I'm trying to sleep, so it's rather frustrating because when it flares up I CANNOT sleep. And I NEED sleep in the worst way. The symptoms were rather strange, nothing I've ever felt before (my upper abdomen and my upper back both intensely hurt at the same time, and the pain is a weird one), and I didn't think a doctor would be helpful at all. But really early this morning during a really painful attack, to distract myself and desperate to come up with an answer, I did some different research online and found something that EXACTLY matched my symptoms. It may be a gallbladder problem. That's probably way more than you all wanted to know. :P I called the Eielson clinic and set up an appointment for Monday, and a nurse talked to me and said that sure enough, it does sound like a gallbladder problem.
The bigger problem is that I really don't trust doctors anymore. I mean really. I'm borderline psychotic about them now I think. I'm afraid they're going to decide that if I have stones or something, the only way to "cure" me would be to give me invasive surgery and remove it altogether. Something I really don't think is the best option. But doctors these days seem to be more concerned about money and convenience for themselves than about the actual patients, and of course, people listen to them because, well, they're the "expert." And I'm finding myself disagreeing with how they do things more and more, whether they're handling my child or me. But I was in so much pain this morning, I didn't know what else to do but to make an appointment with a doctor. At least they'll be sticking needles in ME and not in my poor son (this might not make sense to some of you, so to clarify, Micah was hospitalized a while back for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And had 6 IV's and a spinal tap.) So I guess the big prayer request is, please pray that everything is ok with me, and that I don't really have anything that would require surgery. Also, please pray that Scott and I have wisdom whatever happens at this appointment. I am thoroughly sick and tired of doctors and clinics and hospitals.
And one more thing, please pray that I don't have another flare up before Monday, they're getting really bad and I still have to take care of Micah and it is SO hard to do that when I am in pain. Anyway, thanks for reading, it's a relief to kind of get that off my mind. Perhaps I will be able to post some happier things and pictures later on. :) But if not, have a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A mind-full. Part 2. (Pictures included.)
Today is so much better than the last couple days. I have so very much for which to praise my God.
The Dr. appointment went well, better than I expected. This doctor was actually very patient with me and very kind. He dispelled all my fears and all my belligerence went away. I admit, I drove there this morning talking to myself like a crazy person. I was having a conversation with some invisible doctor and imagining what they might say to me and it sounded something like this, "I've been through ENOUGH with you people, you are all quacks. You don't care if you hurt your patients as long as the job gets done and is done quickly. I don't trust you at all. I've been through enough pain the last couple months, both physically and mentally when you hurt my baby over and over again for no reason. There is no way on earth you are TOUCHING me." And on and on it went. I was sort of growly. (I know that's not a word. I made it up.) And then, when I entered the room and realized that exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen was going to happen whether I liked it or not, I'm pretty sure I got the look of some cornered, wild animal on my face. The doctor and his assistant came in, sat down, and I felt like I was about to be stupid. He looked at me very kindly and said, "Are you ok? You don't look so good," and I promptly burst into tears. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I cry too much. They were both instantly saying, "It's ok, you can reschedule if you're uncomfortable with this, here's a kleenex," I got control of myself quickly with the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired" explanation, and told them I was rather scared. Praise God he was so understanding. The rest of the appointment went very smoothly, no more tears. I drove away relieved that it was all done and I wasn't traumatized. So, I'm glad for that.
Also, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. When I got out to my car, there was a note on the driver's seat saying, "Love you, Scott" it made my day. I was smiling the whole way home. And last night he made dinner, cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, dishes and all, and after Micah went to bed he just let me talk to him and tell him some things I've really been struggling with and really frustrated with, and it was such a comfort. I love him so much. I am so very blessed.
Micah seems to be feeling better already since I cut most dairy out of my diet again. I'm glad. I like it when he's happy. I think he's going through a growth spurt too, he's eating a lot right now and sleeping any chance he gets. Precious boy. I'm sometimes overwhelmed with how much I love him. I'm enjoying all his smiles, and I just KNOW he's going to laugh soon. Before I put him down for his nap a few minutes ago, he laughed in his sleep like usual, but instead of the usual hiccup-sounding laugh, it was a real laugh! So very sweet. It warmed my heart up. I also got to talk to my dear mom today, and she got to hear all his happy sounds. It was great. :) I cannot wait to go out there and see all of you again. Please be praying we get everything figured out with buying the tickets as cheap as we can, and that Scott's leave goes through.
And now... for my to-do list for the day (or probably for the rest of the week) in no particular order. I'll be starting on this as soon as I finish here:
1. Laundry (seriously... I have to do laundry pretty much every day. It is never ending.)
2. Wash the breakfast pan, run the dishwasher
3. Vacuum Micah's room, computer room, and our room
4. Make the bed
5. Wash all the blankets/linens
6. Work on finishing the prep work for my quilt
7. Make a menu plan, finish making grocery list
8. Grocery shopping
9. Tidy up the house
10. Figure out where to put Scott's bike (it's on the mount we just bought right now so it can be ridden inside)
11. Write some letters
12. Burn some pictures on a CD for my grandparents (Note: this one is important!)
Bigger projects for the next couple months include but are not limited to:
1. Sorting out Micah's room, rearranging some things since we have more furniture in there and more clothing
2. The great laundry switch...taking the winter clothes out of the bin, and putting all our summer clothes away
3. Beginning to plan out and organize the upcoming holiday season (that one should be FUN! :D)
4. Start making some Christmas gifts
5. Trying out some new, dairy-free recipes
Hmmm. These lists aren't actually as big as they used to be. But they're definitely big enough, with Micah around.
Time to get busy (and grab something to eat before he wakes up). So I leave you with more of the many faces of Micah. :)
The Dr. appointment went well, better than I expected. This doctor was actually very patient with me and very kind. He dispelled all my fears and all my belligerence went away. I admit, I drove there this morning talking to myself like a crazy person. I was having a conversation with some invisible doctor and imagining what they might say to me and it sounded something like this, "I've been through ENOUGH with you people, you are all quacks. You don't care if you hurt your patients as long as the job gets done and is done quickly. I don't trust you at all. I've been through enough pain the last couple months, both physically and mentally when you hurt my baby over and over again for no reason. There is no way on earth you are TOUCHING me." And on and on it went. I was sort of growly. (I know that's not a word. I made it up.) And then, when I entered the room and realized that exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen was going to happen whether I liked it or not, I'm pretty sure I got the look of some cornered, wild animal on my face. The doctor and his assistant came in, sat down, and I felt like I was about to be stupid. He looked at me very kindly and said, "Are you ok? You don't look so good," and I promptly burst into tears. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I cry too much. They were both instantly saying, "It's ok, you can reschedule if you're uncomfortable with this, here's a kleenex," I got control of myself quickly with the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired" explanation, and told them I was rather scared. Praise God he was so understanding. The rest of the appointment went very smoothly, no more tears. I drove away relieved that it was all done and I wasn't traumatized. So, I'm glad for that.
Also, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. When I got out to my car, there was a note on the driver's seat saying, "Love you, Scott" it made my day. I was smiling the whole way home. And last night he made dinner, cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, dishes and all, and after Micah went to bed he just let me talk to him and tell him some things I've really been struggling with and really frustrated with, and it was such a comfort. I love him so much. I am so very blessed.
Micah seems to be feeling better already since I cut most dairy out of my diet again. I'm glad. I like it when he's happy. I think he's going through a growth spurt too, he's eating a lot right now and sleeping any chance he gets. Precious boy. I'm sometimes overwhelmed with how much I love him. I'm enjoying all his smiles, and I just KNOW he's going to laugh soon. Before I put him down for his nap a few minutes ago, he laughed in his sleep like usual, but instead of the usual hiccup-sounding laugh, it was a real laugh! So very sweet. It warmed my heart up. I also got to talk to my dear mom today, and she got to hear all his happy sounds. It was great. :) I cannot wait to go out there and see all of you again. Please be praying we get everything figured out with buying the tickets as cheap as we can, and that Scott's leave goes through.
And now... for my to-do list for the day (or probably for the rest of the week) in no particular order. I'll be starting on this as soon as I finish here:
1. Laundry (seriously... I have to do laundry pretty much every day. It is never ending.)
2. Wash the breakfast pan, run the dishwasher
3. Vacuum Micah's room, computer room, and our room
4. Make the bed
5. Wash all the blankets/linens
6. Work on finishing the prep work for my quilt
7. Make a menu plan, finish making grocery list
8. Grocery shopping
9. Tidy up the house
10. Figure out where to put Scott's bike (it's on the mount we just bought right now so it can be ridden inside)
11. Write some letters
12. Burn some pictures on a CD for my grandparents (Note: this one is important!)
Bigger projects for the next couple months include but are not limited to:
1. Sorting out Micah's room, rearranging some things since we have more furniture in there and more clothing
2. The great laundry switch...taking the winter clothes out of the bin, and putting all our summer clothes away
3. Beginning to plan out and organize the upcoming holiday season (that one should be FUN! :D)
4. Start making some Christmas gifts
5. Trying out some new, dairy-free recipes
Hmmm. These lists aren't actually as big as they used to be. But they're definitely big enough, with Micah around.
Time to get busy (and grab something to eat before he wakes up). So I leave you with more of the many faces of Micah. :)
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