Rant turned thoughtful

I am feeling very un-Christ-like today. I mean more than usually wretched. As I write, Micah is currently in his crib, unswaddled, fast asleep. Because I put him there and walked away. Because I just don't care anymore for all the screaming. Actually that's an understatement. I want to scream right along with him, possibly even at him. He has been changed. He has been fed. He has been watered. (Ok, not really.)

He has been weighed. He has been measured. And he has been found wanting.

Everything I can think of, I have done. And yet he insists on screaming his ever loving head off. I sort of feel bad for him, because I suspect there may be some tummy troubles involved here. But I'm only human. There is only so much screaming (after everything I've done for him) that I can take. (Not that that's an excuse to not strive to be more Christ-like.) I hate this about myself. I thought I had long ago surpassed the days where my blood felt like it boiled at things. I matured out of it, or so I thought. Apparently not. I'm getting better at overcoming these powerful, angry feelings and try to see it from Micah's point of view, but I don't always succeed. Like today. But I'm not allowed to run away from home, so I guess I'd better suck it up and calm down.

I must say, this DOES give me a perspective on Jesus I never had before. I feel like I give everything up for my baby, I sacrifice a lot. He takes up most of my time, attention, rest, sanity, costs a lot of money, and by himself can just be so overwhelming to handle at times. And it's just going to get harder as he grows and as I have more babies. And yet he still screams at me and isn't thankful at all for all that we give up for him. Kinda reminds me of ME. Christ gave up far more for me than I ever have, and ever will, give up for my son. And yet I ignore Him, far too often choose other interests over spending time with Him, almost scream at the incredible little gift He gave me, and don't surrender my entire life to Him all day, every day. I get angry and hurt when Micah does this to me, and he doesn't even KNOW what he's doing. It's very humbling, to say the least. Praise God for His HUGE mercy and forgiveness. And praise the Son for loving us unconditionally, dying for us, so that even when we mess up all the time, we may still approach the Throne. How terribly grateful it makes me to think of it!

And now that I am calmer, better go check on that boy. I think he's still asleep.