This is a Pitiful Cry for Help

Sometimes, I long for eternity to come.

I am longing to meet Jesus, face to face.

I am longing to be home, where I will spend eternity with Him, and with all my dear friends who also love Him.

I am so tired of how transient life is. I desperately want a place to call "home" here on earth. A place that is familiar, solid, that will always be there, and to which I will always be able to return. It tears me up to have to continually make precious new friends, wonderful fellowship, and then to leave and not ever return to the way things were. I am grieving for it all right now - for the people we have loved and left behind, again; for the sweet memories we have made and may never again be able to revisit; even for the smallest things - from seeing moose roam everywhere in the spring, to driving out with a friend trying to capture the Aurora on camera, to shivering our way to the warm house of friends who understand how tough it is to live with 50 below zero outside and darkness that lasts all day. I am grasping for something familiar here in this new place, and am having a difficult time finding it. I have gone through this process so many times, and it never gets easier. In fact, it rather seems to get harder every time. And I know it's going to keep happening over and over again. So, I am tired.

I know deep down that I am not the only one facing this. Everyone goes through difficult changes in life. I know that the people who are blessed to stay in one place their whole lives have to watch the dear ones they love leave, for good. There are those who lose a loved one from this life completely. Even small changes - children changing and growing, leaving their mothers crying out to re-live just another few moments with their sweet, tiny babies. I am struggling so hard to remember that there is someone else hurting tonight, too.

I do know that despite how hard things are, I must still cling to my Lord. Right now I am trying to hold on to Him, but I feel as though I am drowning, just barely hanging on by a thread. My very human flesh wants to give up. I am praying that He takes hold of me and doesn't let me fall. Because I am wretched and weak and I can't do it alone.

And I am so sorry to all who are also going through a difficult time. It seems so petty and selfish of me to be barely holding it together through my own trial, when there are so many who are going through far worse.

The only encouragement I have to offer you, that I absolutely know to be true is this: someday, we WILL all come home. And there will be no more pain, no more sorrow. There will only be huge joy, resting in the arms of our Saviour.